about
It's true you know. Life is just exactly like a giant cowpie field. Ya never know what you're gonna step in. And some of it gets pretty deep. For instance I have a sister who is single and looking. In one month's time she's been set up twice for blind dates. Both times I was supposed to call her at a set time to get her out of it if things weren't going well. Both times, Survivor was on and I forgot to call. Second time around she calls me the following day bitching about how she had to spend the whole evening with a pasta bellied guy who sucks air through his teeth while trying to lay his hand on her knee because I didn't make the stupid phone call. So I gave her the best advice I could come up with. Stop blind dating and buy yourself a vibrator for the two minute thrill and dog for companionship. Ba da bing! Ba da boom! No more problems. I think she might be irritated with me. She called me a name that I never heard before, grunted, and hung up.
That's gonna be it for my first entry. Survivor is on. Not just Survivor but Survivor finals. Now you know I have to see that. Yeah, yeah. I know. Only geeks watch Survivor. WhatEVER! I gettin the chips and I'm in there under my blankie in about 30 seconds.
Nice to meet you guys by the way.
Back at cha' Red.
Kinda rusty with this stuff but I reckon I'll get the hang of it again quick enough. Or come runnin to you. Some things never change.
Heavy sigh.
Gotta run. My can o'whup ass must have evaporated over the last 2 years. I'm off to the whup ass store for a fresh supply.
Sayyyyy, how come my poster thingy here says I don't allow anonymous comments? I don't care if people post annonymous.
No. Don't tell me. I'll find my specs and read up on it and fix it all by myself. How hard can this stuff be anyway? Chuck Dawson does it. Any monkey can. ahhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I crack myself up.
Hey, Red what's this purple button do? .........hmm.
Never mind. I'm gonna push it. What could possibly go wrong? touching it, thinking,thinking, thinking, PUSH!
ooooooo. ugh oh.
How big a can you think we're gonna need?
Do you have fire extinguisher, per chance?
Wayne, unless you're a girl, a cute hippie guy with a dandelion field or an old guy who likes to take naked pictures of himself and mail them to unsuspecting internet peeps who were dumb enough to share their address, I betcha I'm not the same one. Hey! Wait a minute! I did have more fellas than that come to think of it.
And can I just say, THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH! Nobody has ever called me somewhat normal before. I fear you'll send Red right into shock with that one. Ahhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Rock salt, eh? I have sea salt. Will that work?
Check your shoes before you leave.
SHUT UP, CHUCK!
I told you not to talk to me again until you finish fixin my bathroom roof!
I hired this guy way back in June when he was up here lookin for work to fix my bathroom roof, right? Paid him up front and everything. Hour later I find him layin on top of the roof on a beach towel, in a pair of smiley trunks wearing some kind of weird star-shaped sunglasses, blaring Celine Dion music out of a portable boom box.
Then he just disappears. Right along with my lucky chicken hat.
Now it's December and I've got an inch and a half of snow on my toilet seat. You have any idea what it feels like to wake up in the middle of the night and accidentally nestle your butt-cheeks down into an inch in a half of snow?
Damned mullet-head.
AND I WANT MY LUCKY HAT BACK TOO!