You know you've had enough Birthday celebrating when you wake up Wednesday morning, stumble into the bathroom, yawn, sit on the toilet and miss wedging your ass cheeks up against the toilet paper hanger. Then once you've made a pot of coffee, without the pot, It's official. The party must indeed stop now. Or at least, slow down, a tad, till ya get yer sea legs back.
In all honesty, much of the past few days are a blur in the old lady memory. I'll catch you up as it comes back. Assuming .... it does.
Yesterday's lunch is fresh in my mind since I learned a couple things I didn't know before.
It all started when Manny called to say sorry she'd forgotten my birthday.
"Don't worry about it I told her. You can take me out to eat tomorrow and that will square everything up."
"Well ....we're going out anyway so, yeah, we can do that. You have to promise not to say a word about Chad, or Mike, or Scott. Sqirrel doesn't know and she'll freak if she hears I was seeing Chad again."
"Just feed me. I don't care about anything else," I assured her.
But .... sadly my cell phone was loud enough that Bob could hear both sides of the convo. He immediately interjects ..... "I'm gonna tell her!" We threaten him and move on.
Next day at lunch first thing Bob does is say, "I watched Dr. Phil today. It was about getting back together with your x." The whole time he's smiling like a friggin Chesire cat and Manny is shooting daggers at him with her eyes. "So, manny, are you still seeing that Mike guy? Or....."
"No she says quickly, what are we gonna eat?"
Bob clearly was having the time of his life aggravating Manny. On and on he goes just to bug her, big smile on his face. Then at one point I'm sitting there eating away peacefully and Manny says, "I hold YOU responsible for this!"
Immediately, Squirrel's radar buzzer sounds. BLEEEEP BLEEEP BLEEEP! "Responsible for what? Am I missing something? What's going on?"
"Nuthin," Manny assures her, "Crabby just has a big mouth."
"ME!?" I didn't tell him anything. .....well ok. I did. But not that much."
"Tell him what?" Squirrel asks.
"NOTHING!" Manny insists. "Just eat."
By this time Bob is chuckling merrily.
In an effort to change the topic Manny tells Bob, "Do you know what these two were doing while I was having life-threatening surgery?"
"Praying?" Bob asks, sniggering.
"NO! They had my cell phone. When I got it back there were all these pictures on there of them making weird faces at each other in the hospital waiting room. There I am being cut open. And they're clowning around in a waiting room where people are crying and worried for their loved ones..... WITH MY PHONE!"
(now keep in mind, we are not a quiet people. We already had the tables around us looking over at us and listening intently ever since Squirrel started talking about gerbil sex and how these guys really shoud tie a string on their gerbils before they use them. She works in a hospital and they frequently have to do emergency gerbil removals.)
So when Squirrel loudly declares, "WELL WHEN I WENT INTO THE RECOVERY ROOM TO HELP HER GET READY TO LEAVE, SHE WAS LAYIN THERE NAKED!"
"I WAS LIKE THAT WHEN I WOKE UP, SQUIRREL! I DIDN'T JUST TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF?"
"Oh sure, they leave everybody else dressed and decide just to take your clothes off. It didn't have anything to do with the cute guy in the bed next to you?"
By now the elderly lady at the table next to us was leaning over so far, I feared she would fall clean outa her seat.
"He was cute, wasn't he? He's was too doped up to do anything with though."
"WHAT???" Bob asks.
"Get your mind outa the gutter," Manny tells him. I meant he didn't talk much.
"Well he was probably too busy wondering why you didn't have any clothes on." Squirrel assured her.
"I TOLD YOU, I WOKE UP LIKE THAT!"
"Manny, I work in a hospital and we do not put people in the recovery room without their clothes. You were flirting with that guy!"
"No I wasn't. and I had the gown on it was just down around my waist."
"I know it wasn't up around your boobs. That's for sure."
By now the table behind us, had forgotten all about their birthday party and had begun to scoot their chairs inch by inch closer to our table.
After that the converstion got racy. I won't repeat all of that to you guys. I am nothing if not a proper lady. But I will tell you, by the time we left the lady at the table next to us was giggling and blushing profusely. Just another typical family outing.