Sit down. Cause this is gonna shock you. I actually do go to church. Luckily I have a pastor who is kinda crazy like me. Invite him to football party and he'll bring the beer. Once an older parishoner saw him drinking scotch at a pub and she asked, "Are Pastors allowed to drink?" He responded, "Even Jesus loved his wine." I like the guy. He lets me be me and doesn't try to change anything. But he's still a really good mentor. He studied in Jerusalem and he takes his faith seriously but says, "Hey, we're humans. We get angry. We get crazy. It's ok." Last year for Christmas I gave Pastor Will the Susie Snowflake video I made with my buddy fred. We drank a box of wine, dressed up like snowflakes (fred wore a lovely blonde wig) and got creative. Even threw in a couple of "boom shacka lacka lackas). My better half said, "I don't know if it's appropriate to give Will a movie of you and Fred drunk. (that video also contained a movie of my dog Smilin George humpin his bunny to the tune of "gimme good lovin". But Will loved it. He's still talking about it this year and wants another movie. Like I said, cool guy. That's why he's my pastor. Occasionly though I have driven him to swear. He gets frustrated with me sometimes. (big argument over Angelina Jolie's lips once) I'm not any different in church than I am any where else. So we get into debates about stuff. That whole ark story for instance. I'm sorry, but where'd they put all that poop?
Once at Communion whoever had filled up the wine cups had only filled them like maybe half way. So I tried
to go back for seconds on the wine but, see, we're Lutherans. A Lutheran is basically a rebel Catholic. We do a Catholic service but threw out all the stuff we didn't like, no sex for the Pastor, and no women pastors, yadda yadda yadda. Anyway, people get squirrely if they think you're going to do anything at all that will make that service last longer than 55 minutes. It's basically, get in, get your forgiveness, hear the sermon, say your prayers, and get to lunch. So before I could even get back out of the pew a guy grabbed the neck of my collar and said, "Oh no you don't. You're gonna stay out of trouble today so I can get out of here and eat." sigh.
Anyway, last week was the first week for me to don the ho coat, leopard fur hat and red sneakers. (My winter gear) And my better, wiser, half and my smart-assed son start giving me a really hard time about going to church in hooker clothes. But guess what? The women there LOVED IT! That's right, they even want to get one of their own. SO THERE!
The point is, ya don't have to be all proper po po to go to church. Be what you are for crying out loud. You'd be surprised how welcome it can be. Will thinks I liven things up. ahhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha hahaha! My better half just shakes his head and mutters, "Please don't encourage her. You don't know what you're getting yourself into."
Next thing on my list is to pick up the pace on that church music. Egads! That stuff will put you right to sleep. We need to pick up the pace. Will agrees. Sadly, we have to dicker with the old folks but I think I could wear them down. They tire out real easy.