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Sadly, cow-tipping has become an addiction for many Ohioans. Such folks can be found wandering aimlessly about from farm to farm, tipping cows until they’re spent and exhausted. They are usually found fast asleep amoung the cow piles by a very angry farmer the next morning.
Don’t misunderstand. Ohio takes full responsibility for their cow-tipping addict citizens. We hold meetings at the local churches and everything. But a’course nobody ever shows up cuz they’re mostly out tippin cows during the hours of 9 pm to 4 am.
But enough about the down sides of cow-tipping. Let us move on to your cow-tipping lesson!
My word! I am excited for you!
First I advise you start with a hearty meal. Cow-tipping requires stamia!
Don a decent pair of sneakers on the off chance that the farmer is still awake and has his gun loaded.
Then begin your search for the perfect cow.
Ahhhh. Here’s a good one. The single-udder cow. Single udder cows are meaner than chicken spit! That’s what makes ‘em so damned fun to tip.
Real quiet like, ya gotta ….tippy-toe…..tippy tippy tippy tippy ….up on the big booger. And fer the sake of all that is good in this world, don’t fart or nuthin’. They don’t like that. They don’t like it a lot.
Once your close enough, shoulder up to her, dig yer feet into the dirt real deep like, and PUUUUSSSSSH! PUSH!
If she turns her head, even a little, that means you probably farted and didn’t notice in all the excitement. But the one-udder cow, she did. And she’s pissed.
Occasionally, these things go awry. When this happens, it’ll generally take ya a month or so before you can put yer crutches back in the pantry. But HEY! That’s what makes it a sport! Am I right? Or am I right? Wouldn’t be no fun if there wasn’t some kinda risk.
Kin somebody call the ambulence? In the fall my cell phone got lodged up my……… er……..it’s stuck where I can’t get to it right now. Ah, hell, now it’s ringin.
Barman, are you saying.........there's no such thing as a snipe??? Say it isn't so!
Jam, baby, I doubt the cow even notices that so much. I'd heard Minnesota folks weren't very good at cow-tipping on accounta, it gets so cold during winter they don't wanna put that much of themselves into it. Come to Ohio, we'll teach you how to do a proper tip, then we'll go out for brews and hot wings.
Wmy, what kinda help do ya need kiddo? Wait .... did you say naughty? LOL! I'll make a list.
Denny, tsk tsk tsk. You must stop holding a grudge over that blasted Rock and Roll thingy. They wanted us. They begged us to take them. What could we do?
PS. for anybody who cares, the lovely state of Ohio has been riding in the mid sunny 70's all through June. AWESOME weather, my people. AWESOME!
Crabbs, you can also get a bunch of the features that Adobe Photoshop has by using the Adobe Photoshop Elements 4.0 program. The cake that I posted had the background removed by the program, a very usefull thing when you try to place a picture into another picture.
While it is a little harder to use Elements to do it, it worked fine and at about 1/4 the price or less I like it. I am just saying not for you to change but possibly for someone new to this.
Check your shoes before you leave.
They have cow tipping up here in Michigan also but I have never been. I have always assumed that this was something like hunting snipes. I just don't know...