Friday, January 26, 2007
Yesterday.
Bob, Jake, and I leave for a food break. It must be said here that I was ready to eat at 10. We left at 12. So I was STARRRVING!
We had awakened that morn to a blizzard. Ok not a blizzard but ice and snow fer sure. So I'd commented on how glad I was I didn't have to go anywhere that morning. Which is how Bob ended up jinxing us!

On the way to edibles Bob smartassedly (no I don't care if it's a word so lemme alone) says:
"Hm. I don't seem to be having much trouble on these treacherous streets."

"DON'T SAY STUFF LIKE THAT! YOU'LL JI....."


didn't even get to finish the sentence. I'd planned to tell him he'd jinx us. But the jinx hit faster than I could talk. He ran into a pothole deep enough to order Chinese food through.
Not only did the tire go flat, but it bent and twisted like a hot pretzel.

"Told ya." I muttered.

At this point it must be said, I hate that friggin car. It's a jag. It used to be mine cuz I thought it was pretty. It was older and we got a good price on it but....I gave it to Bob cuz, I hate the damn thing. The cup holders are about big enough to hold dixie cups. There's no change cubby and its' too fancy shmancy. Meaning, you can't eat in it without getting "talked to". Fancy cars are NO FUN people.

So, Bob and Jake commence to change the tire. but guess what? The lug wrench that came with the fancy shmancy car, snapped in half. So there we sit, in 20 degree weather, with a flat bent up tire and a broken lug wrench. Happily we did manage to pull into an apartment complex busy with people coming and going.

We called triple A, who was just down the street and waited. 10 min. 20 min. 40 min.
"I'm hungry, " I complained. "I was hungry at 10. I'm really hungry now."
"You'll live," Bob assured me.
10 minutes later......."I think my body is starting to eat itself."
Jake snickers in the backseat while Bob gives me a look.
few minutes after that I start staring at the meaty part of Bob's hand. "You're hand is starting to look like the other white meat." I told him.
"They'll be here." he assured me. meanwhile people came and went, our hood was up, tire flat, and nobody offered to help.
"Maybe should call a friend. That would be faster. I'm cold. And I have to pee now."
"too much information," Jake informs me.
Bob begins to worry out loud about repair bills for the tire.
"Maybe it's time to get rid of this thing and get a real car," I suggest. Another look from Bob and I shut up.
Finally a young man pulled in. He was wearing red sneakers and looked cold as could be. He not only tried to help but even told us what apartment he was in if we needed anything. Nice nice kid. And thank God. Up till then I had decided the entire human race had become a slew of buttwipes with legs and cell phones.
Triple A finally came and changed the tire. Oddly, their lug wrench didn't snap. Go figure!
Flippin, friggin, pansy car. I damn near ended up eating my family because of that thing.
 
posted by Crabby at 9:14 AM |


42 Comments:


At 1/26/2007 10:22 AM, Blogger MilkMaid

Buttwipes with legs and cellphones. I thought they only lived in the south.

 

At 1/26/2007 11:49 AM, Blogger Crabby

No, they move south. We grow 'em right here. One woman circled the complex 3 times with her cell phone attached to her ear. Had to walk right past us every time. Amazing!

I have never not asked someone who obviously looked like they could use a little help, if I could help in some way. Even at the market if somebody can't reach something on a high shelf cuz being really short I've gotten good at scaling the shelves.

How sad of a world is it when folks stop seeing each other?

 

At 1/26/2007 11:55 AM, Blogger Roxi

HAHAHAH I would have eaten the family anyway..

that would have been hilarious..

Soo..

guess what..


I bought a new car..

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 

At 1/26/2007 2:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

Crabby....BUY AMERICAN!
Or at least an American lug wrench!
Sorry Honey, you should see what happened to Sign......G

 

At 1/26/2007 4:33 PM, Blogger Shanshu

Hey, I'm glad you didn't have to eat your family. I bet they wouldn't have tasted right.

OH, by the way, I'm back. So come check out the new blog. Toodles!

 

At 1/26/2007 4:39 PM, Blogger Crabby

Rox, NO WAY! What'd you get? Did ya post it?

G, you're worrying me. You know I'm protective when it comes to Sign.

Shanshu, it's about time, kid! I'm glad you're back and I'll be right over.

 

At 1/26/2007 5:10 PM, Blogger Crabby

Manny, your blog isn't loading for me. Not a wit. What did you do behind the curtain, Manny? K, don't go into detail....was there fire? A boom?

 

At 1/26/2007 5:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

Hey, I thought it was just me. I can't get her either.
YES!!!

 

At 1/26/2007 6:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

Blogger rudely forced me to upgrade to the current blogger. I suspect while that is happening you blog is offline. Maybe that is what is happening.

Nice ride there Roxi.

I am a little leary to help people out myself because people are so weird these days. I think I would have lent a hand however. To bad about the lug wrench. Hopefully you got your tummy all filled up. Speaking of which mine is talking to me right now as I type.

 

At 1/26/2007 6:42 PM, Blogger Manny

I can't see my blog!!!! All was well when I left for work! I am having comment withdrawl!!!!

Damn, blasted, I could just spit!

Blogger bastards!!!!

Blogger is mean!

 

At 1/26/2007 6:50 PM, Blogger Manny

It's back. Crab, next time I dissappear, go behind my curtain and republish my entire blog, Please!

Don't ever let me come home and find myself lost out there.

I thought they flagged "The Duke"

 

At 1/26/2007 6:54 PM, Blogger Cazzie!!!

LOL, what a shit of a time, I hate the cold too. Speakin of hunger, it is 11am almost and I havent eaten yet either :( Gotta go eat breakfast.

 

At 1/26/2007 7:21 PM, Blogger Manny

BTW, Like you, I always help if I can.

Remember the bad snow we had a few years back? At work I help some guy push his car. What did I get in return? That night the jerk cut me off in traffic!

I'll still stop and help.

I love Triple A. Anytime I've had to call, they ask me if I'm in a safe place. In my most pouty girl voice I tell them...I think so...it's cold and dark, but i should be OK. They show up right away. My advice...Next time, you call, they never come fast for men.

Ok, so maybe I work it a little too much sometime's. LOL

 

At 1/26/2007 7:22 PM, Blogger Manny

Come out and play!

 

At 1/26/2007 7:33 PM, Blogger Manny

OK, You are leaving me with no choice, then to play.

 

At 1/26/2007 9:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

You damned near eating your family? And you don’t welcome cannibals? Ha!

A Jap is a British car and the Brits a technologically handicapped. I once owned a MGB, which is British, but not expensive. With its top up, it looked like a pregnant hamster wearing a baseball cap. The electrical system was the pits. The carburetor was hydraulic and staring the damned thing was like playing Russian roulette. And, because the Brits forgot that oil is a liquid, they incorporated hydraulic shock absorbers to the liquid could link out of them like every other liquid in the damned car. However, the good news is that I met many nice folks during the numerous times I was broken down on the side of the round and trying to get the damned thing to start.

 

At 1/26/2007 9:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

Make that 2nd word "Jag" My spell checker overruled me without my noticing.

 

At 1/27/2007 9:18 AM, Blogger Crabby

G, it is just you. The rest of us are messin with ya. bwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha! (now watch. I've just jinxed myself and my blog will be the next to go)

Barman, I'm scairt of goin to the new blogger because I tried to do a new blog on it and I can't do pics. The pic thing they have you working with doesn't seem to work with a mac. And you KNOW I gotta have my visuals.

Manny, welcome to the wonderful world of "The Techie Masters". They have complete control over us. And they like it. In fact, they're out there now somewhere laughin their asses off while they knock down yet another unsuspecting blog.

Cazzie, I could never go that long without vittles. My body would eat itself.

NICK, you are so dead right on. Bob had an old MGB right out of high school and "always" had problems with it. What gets me (cuz I'm more about inside comfort) is the fact that the brits give us ashtrays (I don't smoke) but no usuable cup holders! So I'm thinking they smoke while they drive but don't ever drink coffee or anything.
Also, who the hell gives you a lug wrench that snaps when you try to loosen a lug??????

British people....buy Japanese or German or American...don't buy your own cars. There is a better life out there for you. Honest. Your engineers are drinking on the job or something. Oh wait...no...they're not drinking cuz....no cup holders. LOL!

 

At 1/27/2007 10:19 AM, Blogger Manny

WTF? I sat here and typed out the greatest comment ever and I lost it. I dunno what happened to it. LMAO When I got to the user name and password the box just disappeared.

Now I can't remember what i said.

 

At 1/27/2007 10:19 AM, Blogger Manny

I love Saturday mornings

 

At 1/27/2007 11:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

Crab Cake,
Ahhhhhh...lg reg dbl crm......

 

At 1/27/2007 2:11 PM, Blogger Manny

I just posted new. Today, my blog is there, but it's taken forever to load and all of my link's are gone. So are your's!!!

Here's my thought...If they are gonna force us to switch, they should switch for us. Surely they have the access to do it.

Blogger bastards!

 

At 1/27/2007 7:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

It appears blogger had a big hickup today. That and blog rolling seemed to be down for the morning and part of the afternoon.

Sis you see what the new blogger did to comments? You lose a lot of the names and links back to who posted the comment. I want my posters back.

Gee here it is evening and I still have not ate a thing and no coffee. I best do something about that.

 

At 1/27/2007 8:01 PM, Blogger Crabby

I still see everybody.
do you suppose.......being exposed to the elements on flat tire day and nearly starving to death gave me....super blogger powers????

Think of it. I could be..... THE INCREDIBLE BLOGGER CRAB!

I'm gonna need a super hero wardrobe. Something in red and shiny.

I'll need a new header too.

 

At 1/28/2007 7:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

Found you and outfit HERE. You could start with that and modify it.

 

At 1/28/2007 8:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

Crabby...Two comments in a 24 hr period does NOT put you in The Justice League of America!

Good Mornin Crab Cake.

..I need cup of you know what...

 

At 1/28/2007 9:43 AM, Blogger Mone

Expansive car and cheap tools, Crabby? But I know what you are talking about, I've driven a Porsche 911 for a time (nice benefit for a dumb ass boyfriend, hahaha)but I didnt like it. I mean the car IS great, but everywhere I went people just stared at me. I could tell by the faces, many girls/women thinking how I got that car and boys/men wishing to drive that car themselfes.

 

At 1/28/2007 10:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

Hey would you look at that ... the Wonder Woman outfit from that page I liked above comes with chesticles.

Mone those women were just jealous. I am sure you would have been more than willing to share the boyfriend.

 

At 1/28/2007 10:39 AM, Blogger Mouthy Girl

Lawdy! Men! Talk about jinxing!

Glad you didn't have to ahem...eat yourself.

 

At 1/28/2007 10:55 AM, Blogger Manny

I need a new avatar...this one just isn't me.


Ahhhhhh ah ah ah ah sigh

 

At 1/28/2007 12:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

Sheesh, Crabcakes, you and food are having a rough relationship lately. I suppose you were going out to eat because the pizza is still gumming up your oven.

Next time, break down in my neighborhood. We've got an appliance big enough to cook that other white meat (and our lug wrench has never broken). BTW, "Lug Nut" is an affectionate term for a friend whose elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.

 

At 1/28/2007 3:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

` Ha ha ha ha haaaa! I hate it when I can't warn people of jinxes!
` Well, I guess it was a double jinx because the lug wrench snapped - how does that even happen!!!? Hello!??! I've abused mine to death while replacing tires! Nothing has ever happened to it!
` First you got rid of the Porsche, now the Jag....

` Ironically, my blog is about a long road trip (there was snow and ice along the way) during which nothing horrible happens!!

P.S. Sometimes-Saintly Nick...

Make that 2nd word "Jag" My spell checker overruled me without my noticing.

` Nick, I was wondering what all those properly-spelled words that don't fit were doing in there! ;D

 

At 1/28/2007 3:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

` ...I CAN"T CONTAIN IT ANY MORE!!!

` If I was stuck in a car with two men, I personally wouldn't mind being the one eaten....

` What? I'm nutritious!

 

At 1/28/2007 4:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

I hate when people start talking the jinx talk.

If you say it, it will happen...


I really enjoy coming here and reading your funny stories.

You make me laugh...

 

At 1/28/2007 10:03 PM, Blogger Manny

Crabby dear, I just figured something else out on our game.

Brawhhhlllllll

And I have another high score!

You want me to switch games so you can catch up?

 

At 1/28/2007 10:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

Thats usually me.....Hubby will be driving (or whatever) and I'll say...and next thing ya know it happens he tells me to shut up often! LOL. But honestly I dont dare say becareful or because the or usually happens maybe I have ESP

 

At 1/29/2007 2:16 AM, Blogger Bare

So glad you didn't turn Hanibal on the family!

 

At 1/29/2007 7:46 AM, Blogger Manny

Better? Barman found it. Now I feel guilty cuz it's not Grace. I have issue's.

 

At 1/29/2007 9:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

Was the triple A guy coming over from England?

I would have left them too it and gone off to find food. lol

 

At 1/29/2007 11:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous

Another "curtain call"? Manny stop messin around with shit!

Mornin Crabby, did your fingers get frost-bit?.....Maybe you could thaw them out by holding a hot refreshing cup of Tim Horton's coffee?...I am!

 

At 1/29/2007 11:37 AM, Blogger Manny

They forced sign in to changing over. How long before they get to us?

 

At 1/29/2007 4:23 PM, Blogger SignGurl

Crabby, what happened to the profile pics here. I can't see them.

Yes, I was forced today to switch over and I'm livid.

My sister has a Jag and the blasted tire went flat in our drive. The weight of the car made the rim bend. Mr. Sign had to stand on the tire iron to try to loosen the lugnuts. The stupid thing broke. We had to find an industrial jack to put it up in the air. Jags are not all they are cracked up to be.

I have no idea why I didn't see the last two posts. I've been here. Honest I have (check my comments on your pizza post).