about
As some of you may know by now somebody out there wants me dead. Yes. And thank you for considering me for that honor. That's just friggin great!
Now, before anybody jumps to any conclusions and we get off on a whole wrong track here. I do NOT.....repeat...do NOT believe it is anyone from JC site. Well, at least no one who was writing it. I did consider it could be the MIL then I remembered, she's blind. Oh and she doesn't have a puter. There that's taken care of. Where was I?
Oh yeah. Take a look at me? Go ahead. Give yourself a minute. Do I LOOK like a threat? Do I look particularly bright? No.
Technically, I fall somewhere between idiot and slow bus. Remember when I tried to add links alllll by myself? I got a lecture from Milkmaid that lasted ...well, I'm not sure how long it lasted because I drifted off. But a long time. She kept saying things like....."Don't touch ANY THING on the template. NOTHING! Don't even go back there."
Jake had to teach me how to post pictures.......twice. The first time didn't take. Don't ask me why. I just forgot all of it.
So we've established that I am not exactly a technical threat.
That leaves us with two more.
I am so beautiful that all the other women either want me (depending on sexual preference) or want me dead. Again, LOOK AT THE PICTURE! Do I look remotely beautiful? Nuh ugh. Not even.
So it can only be....blog content. Let's see what have I written about that might cause someone to want me dead.....hmmmm. Well, there was the Olga story. The mole people. Um....what else.....dogs...making fun of dead people, the honeyhive adventures (which I didn't start). Actually, I don't write about much of anything with any substance. Yet.....it could be the dead people. Dead people have no humor. I know this for a fact. I've been forced to go out to dinner with dead people. No wait......wait wait wait. I was imagining them dead. That's totally different. Ok. I got nothin.
see i beg to differ. i think it is your stimulating intellect that has them all scared and possibly wanting to off you. they see right through your dumb act. we all know that with your smokin hot bod and your sexy allure (you like that) that you are a real threat to national security. you may need to go into hiding.
My computer monitor and nasal passages want you dead because the monitor is tired of me spraying coffee on it everytime I come here and inevitably wind up laughing and spraying at the same time. And the nasal passages are tired of the coffee douche; they remind me the only oriface coffee is supposed to enter is the anal one. Apparently it removes the piled up poop in your rectum very well. But I digress.
You would fucking think that after all this time, I'd learn not to drink anything while reading you at the same time.
Milky....ya think? Cause I've been walking around incognito. But you'll see that later. I'm doing a news special.
Larry, oh man, you are so right about my stimulating intellect. Hang on a sec....GEORGE! DO NOT PEE ON YER SISTER! K, I'm back. And do have scads of sexy allure. Yes, I believe I will continue to stay incognito. Athough my face is sweating all over the place under here.
Ah, Denny. You know I turn you on no matter what I wear. ahhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha. I'm such a diva and all.
Waygon, cool dog or not, keep your mitts offa my toilet paper. I need that for emergencies.
Deb? Are you tellin me I'm supposed to be drinking coffee through my ass? You mean all these years I've been drinkin upside down? Can ya taste it that way?
K. Stay tuned people. I'm workin on something.
I don't think you can taste it in your ass (unless you have a tongue there, in which case, I just don't want to know about that) but SUPPOSEDLY you get an even better caffeine rush that way, aside from it cleaning out the layers of crusty poop from your bowel.
Still, my sensibilities tell me my poop shoot is a one way street and I'd rather just drink it the old fashioned way and hope it's taking the poop out THAT way. Even if it's just taking out 5% of the crusty poop as opposed to the, uh... other method.
I'm kinda squeemish that way. but thank GOD for the internet because without it, I NEVER would have known about coffee enemas.
The fact that I can ALWAYS make it about poop... it's a gift. Really.
Someone wants you dead? Dammit, I have to go poop!
Check your shoes before you leave.
It's me. I have to have those overalls. I'm sorry.