about
Early on, like when I was ....oh...5, I invisioned myself as this fairy princess. All glowy pretty, and sought after. I'd grow up to be smart and elegant. It was a good plan.Somewhere along the line the plan fell apart. My nose grew faster than my face. I sprouted freckles, and I became.....well, me.
Since then, my life has been a series of embarrassing moments, mishaps, and blunders. Nothing has gone the way I dreamed it would. absolutely nothing.
For instance, I bet you all remember your first really hot make out session. When you remember it, is it romantic? As you probably guessed my first red hot make out was with Bob. Unfortunate. Because he's still around to tease me about it. We were deep in the midst of passion. The Doors song, "Light my fire" was playing in the background. Hotter and hotter we got till....... I farted. That's right, I farted during the Doors, "Light my Fire". That's our hot memory. Now everytime Bob hears that song he makes farting noises at me. Cute.
When I was pregnant with Jake I was very careful not to gain one extra pound other than baby weight and all that stuff. That's how I KNEW I'd be able to slip right back into my old clothes when I took him home. And my old clothes are exactly what I asked for. I got the pants half way up my thighs and they went no further. Not up. Not down. I was literally stuck in the bathroom. Imprisoned by my own body fat. I had to have help to get them back off. Meanwhile, Bob chuckling like a fiend, went back to our house and got bigger britches. This also, I have never heard the end of.
The list is endless. It's impossible to get together with anyone, friends or family without my blunders coming up somewhere in the conversation. EVERYbody has some kind of memory of one of my screw ups. Usually more than one. Not exactly fairy princess material.
What I want to know is, did you turn out to be who you imagined you would be one day? Did your plan go anywhere near as far south as mine did?
At 10/17/2006 10:20 AM, 
Crabby
Denny, good news is, if your memory loss continues you won't remember the divorces, heart attack, or stroke!
Gareth, I hadn't thought of it that way. And after viewing Deb's video....I do believe I have an idea. You are soooo in trouble now. (Assuming my sit-upon doesn't go up in a blaze of flames. I have short arms.)
At 10/17/2006 11:37 AM, Silver
I don't think so, unless someone has a memory of me playing center field for the Yankees? Anyone? sports article, baseball card, autograph, anything?
Problem is, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up!
I do know I'm tired of this rat race and would love to work at a gas station on some lonely desserted highway, no one ever stopping for gas, and just being able to closeup shop and go riding whenever I please.
At 10/17/2006 11:51 AM, Crabby
Deb, here's a scary thought. What if fart fire man looks that proud cuz that's just exactly how he planned his life out? oooooooooooo. This could be the answer to many of our problems. Don't plan so big. Start with little stuff you know you can "produce".
ahhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha! I crack myself up!
Gareth! AHHHHHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA! I GOTTA learn how to do that before the big Michigan/OSU game party. I'd be such a hit if I could fart out the OSU fight song!
Dan, seriously? Oh man! That poor gal. For some reason it just seems so much worse to cut the cheese in a leotard or cool lookin work out clothes. LOL!
Waygon, that's brilliant! If you never know what you wanna be when you grow up, you can never be disappointed in how you turned out.
Yanno, I figured I'd at least develope some kind of a money making skill but...nope. I just kinda mooch offa Bob, eat cheap Mexican, fart and drink ice caps. He's such a lucky man! Where else are ya gonna find a gal like me? LMAO!
Ahhh NO THANK GOD!!!!!
I said(and I still to this day cant believe I said it) I wanted 22 kids and no husband! Whew glad it was only a half hearted nightmare. I did get married and only had 3 (but lost 2)kids. And I was going to live on a island to which the only way in was by boat! again glad it didnt come true. My girlfriend since 7th grade said she was having 1 kid and she ended up with 5. lol I guess I made up in my 6 grandkids. far cry from 22 but man Im glad I didnt go there.
At 10/18/2006 10:18 AM, Crabby
Brighton, it's weird how that happens huh? One day you think things are gonna be here, next day you wake up and they're wayyyyy the hell over there.
Dzer, I'm ordering it!
Gab! 22 kids? alone on an island? bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's like wishing Freddy Krueger was real and lived next door. LMAO!
Barman, Princess Fiona rocks out. I did forget about her. That was such a cool movie. Although the Gingerbread man torture gave me nightmares. LOL! Just kidding. Actually it made me kinda hungry.
Lady K, I agree. Everything we live and survive changes us. If you take the best from that and use it, you've done well.
Mone, I think everywhere we go is our stage. LOL!
dzer, thanks! But I gotta admit, your new avatar is hotter than mine. LOL! I need flames!
` Ooh! Cute fire-farting British guy! (And hey, I didn't know they pronounced it 'Meethane!")
` My life plans went farther north than I had imagined them to be. My dad always told me that I would live my life in a mental institution and be such a horrible bitch I couldn't have friends or a boyfriend or anything.
` It turns out that lots of people like me, and I'm more self-sufficient than the child I was whose dad always beat me down and always tried to prove to me that I couldn't even stir soup without messing up!
` ...I even fixed my own toes!
` Ooh! Cute fire-farting British guy! (And hey, I didn't know they pronounced it 'Meethane!")
` My life plans went farther north than I had imagined them to be. My dad always told me that I would live my life in a mental institution and be such a horrible bitch I couldn't have friends or a boyfriend or anything.
` It turns out that lots of people like me, and I'm more self-sufficient than the child I was whose dad always beat me down and always tried to prove to me that I couldn't even stir soup without messing up!
` ...I even fixed my own toes!
Gab, I'm sorry about the 2 you lost. I lost one. But it was very, early on. But I'm tickled for the the 3 you have cuz you are way too cool not to reproduce mini-gabs.
Kept! We have close to the same life. LOL! I'm in Ohio, married to my junior high crush with one child.
PS. I kept trying to come on your blog yesterday but every time my puter got hung up.
Seequin, please don't take offense but I would LOVE to beat the living shit out of your Dad. LOVE TO! You're a bright, lovely, interesting and weirdly funny, young lady. Which I love. Let's just hope your old Dad and I never meet up. I might be short and farty but I DO still have a good kicking leg.
Manny, we are sooo related. I'm just glad that's the only story you told. LMAO!
Barman, icks-nay on the og-day! I'm workin on a plan here.
Manny, the thing I have for you will make you soooo happy. It's totally free too. It doesn't get better than that. Just say yes and I'll have it to you by tonight!
Suze, I've often thought to myself how fortunate we didn't have candles burning. LOL!
Barman! Are you spreading LUV rumors again? ahhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha!
Check your shoes before you leave.
LOL, I was just having this conversation with my mother yesterday.
No. Life definately didn't turn out the way I thought it would. I'm lacking the capacity today to turn it into something lighthearted. LOL - maybe tomorrow.
Anyhow, another indication to me that we are in a state of cultural decline is the sheer number of online videoes that pop up when you enter "Fart fire" in google.
see what I mean?
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6304447980554417691