Last night we went to dinner with our neighbors and the subject of cremation came up. Turns out two of my neighbors brothers died and one was cremated. His kids came to the funeral home with tupperware and divided him up 3 ways. Little dad for me...little of Dad for you...arm here, leg there, head over yonder. You get the idea. Each kid took their portion of good ole Dad and did their own thing with him. Understand by now my jaw had already dropped so low it rested wetly in the gravy on my plate of Scottish meatloaf. That's when things took a turn for the bizarre.

"So, they all scattered him in different places?" I asked again.

"Well, no. The daughter keeps her portion in a care bear."

"Say what?"

"You know...one of those build a bears? She had him mixed in with the stuffing."

"Nuuuuuh UGH!"

"Yes, by golly, she did."

"nuh UGH!"

"I can have her bring him over and show you."

"nnnnn no. No thank you."

Let me tell you people, there is no way in HELL I am getting cremated. Knowing my kid, I'd end up in one of those Taco Bell dogs on the dashboard of his car with my head wobblin' every time he hit a bump!

Labels: dead people, equal distribution, meatloaf, teddy bears