about
As you all are aware I've been slightly put out by the idea of having Miss Ellie in a jar on my mantle. Quite honestly, Ellie's presence, urn or no urn, gives me the heebies. Makes me feel like she's watching me all the time. Nobody wants anybody's Mom watching them all the time. It's .... just ..... not natural. Some things Mom's don't need to see, you know?Last night we went to dinner with our neighbors and the subject of cremation came up. Turns out two of my neighbors brothers died and one was cremated. His kids came to the funeral home with tupperware and divided him up 3 ways. Little dad for me...little of Dad for you...arm here, leg there, head over yonder. You get the idea. Each kid took their portion of good ole Dad and did their own thing with him. Understand by now my jaw had already dropped so low it rested wetly in the gravy on my plate of Scottish meatloaf. That's when things took a turn for the bizarre.
"So, they all scattered him in different places?" I asked again.
"Well, no. The daughter keeps her portion in a care bear."
"Say what?"
"You know...one of those build a bears? She had him mixed in with the stuffing."
"Nuuuuuh UGH!"
"Yes, by golly, she did."
"nuh UGH!"
"I can have her bring him over and show you."
"nnnnn no. No thank you."
Let me tell you people, there is no way in HELL I am getting cremated. Knowing my kid, I'd end up in one of those Taco Bell dogs on the dashboard of his car with my head wobblin' every time he hit a bump!
Labels: dead people, equal distribution, meatloaf, teddy bears
At 9/06/2007 3:23 PM, 
GAB
At 9/07/2007 9:37 AM, deb
You know, really what is the big deal. When you are dead, you are dead and there's no going back.
I think I want to be a medical student's cadaver... and I hope he's a wacky dude who takes me out places, like "Weekend at Bernies."
I hope he's not a necropheliac, though... I'd hate to think I was getting more action as a dead person than a live one.
At 9/07/2007 9:41 AM, deb
I also can't help but think about the implications of ashes in a stuffed animal.
I mean, I've made some of those bears with my kids... They are FABRIC (furry fabric, but still fabric) so dust can move in and out of them... every time she hugs the bear, she's getting a face full of daddy.
SHE IS GOING TO DEVELOP ASTHMA IF SHE HUGS THAT BEAR.
At 9/07/2007 9:42 AM, deb
Oh yeah... let me guess... she named the bear...
ASHLEY.
Get it? ASHley.
ASH lee ASH lee ASHLEE!
(I would say I'm going to hell for that... except I'm right behind the mother who let the girl put Daddy Ash in a bear.... I hope the ashes were in a sealed baggie. and not amoung the fluff and silk hearts.)
Barman, Scottish meatloaf uses brown gravy instead of red stuff and they wrap bacon around the outside when they bake it. It's typically served on top of mashed potatoes.
We have a Scottish pub/restaurant here that serves up all Scottish food. But no bridies! Nobody has them. None of our Irish joints, nor the Scottish ones.
Oh and....verrrry funny.
Lee Ann, I KNOW! That's just too weird. For one thing I've heard there often are bits of bone in there with the ash. I sure hope not.
TC, It would soooo happen. I just know it.
Milky, that's cuz they're droppin like flies around here. If they'd stop dyin', I'd stop obsessin'. Don't think I'm not lookin' both ways before I cross these days. UGH!
Tie-dyed neck scarf on the dog. I can see it. Oh yeah.
ZEN, never gonna happen cause I'm taking my body to the taxidermist. I don't even like to bend down close to the oven to take biscuts out. No way I'm gonna be baked and shaked.
Little Wing, Miss Ellie is my MIL.
That woman was 85 and blind and I'm telling you...ornery as hell! When people would rudely cut in front of her she whack their foot with her stick on purpose and pretend it was an accident. LOL! When I took her clothes shopping she'd wear me out so bad that when she'd ask if a blouse color went with a pants color, I'd lie and say yes just to hurry her along. Somehow....she KNEW every time I was lying.
Jayne, thank you! I'll link you back. We'll hang out and bug barman.
Curly, Can you imagine that commercial running during pizza night when you're sitting there with your mouth full. LOL!
Deb, Weekend at Bernie's type stuff would be right up my dead alley. Ya still get to go to parties even though you may not be the life of the party. Long as they don't play pin the tail on the dead person.
You realize if they ever wash that bear...Dad's gonna come out all over the towels and stuff.
And get this...it wasn't a little girl's bear. The woman is a full grown adult! SWEAR! Is that unreal or what? PAH! And people think I'm crazy.
At 9/07/2007 1:52 PM, deb
At 9/07/2007 7:13 PM, BTExpress
Warning: If you have a weak stomach, don't read this comment!
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Don't get put in a crypt either. I read this story the other day (with pictures) where this guy put his mom in one. It seems that after a couple of years there was this "residue" at the bottom front of the crypt. He didn't know what it was, so just kept cleaning it up and tossing it in the trash. He eventually found out the the ooze was her remains mixed with the formaldehyde. They eventually opened the crypt up and stuck her in a giant plastic bag made for such things.
At 9/09/2007 8:31 AM, cathouse teri
Now who is Miss Ellie again and why is she on your mantle? No one should be on your mantle. Ever. People do not belong on mantles. Cats, maybe. I can imagine a cat lounging on a mantle, so if the cat died, I'd be okay with a jar of cat on the mantle. Not a jar of person. They don't belong on mantles ... nor in bears.
If that story is true about the bear, it needs to be on the fucking news! That is so fucked up I don't even think I will be able to recover until I see it on the news! Or at least Jay Leno! Fuck!
Hey, here's a story about build-a-bears. (There is no cremation ~ or taxidermy ~ in this story.)
http://www.mattresspolice.com/2007/08/too-much-to-bear.htm
You are not going to believe this. I went searching on the internet and look what I found. Huggable Urns. I think this is real too. I had my doubts but...
At 9/10/2007 10:02 AM, cadbury_vw
many hearty guffaws - taco bell bobble head indeed!
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BTW - my brother and i kept the cremated remains of our dog at a house we shared while i was in university
it was in a manila envelope on a bookshelf. people would ask "so you only have one dog?" and we would say "no - we have two". they would look around and say "where's the other one?" and we would point and say "in the manila envelope on the shelf there"
it would freak them out.
it was one of the ways i would decide if a woman was worth dating - if that was too freaky for her she was not for me...
while the dog was a family dog - she was really bonded with my sister. my sister was traipsing around the country and such and wasn't ever back home in the summer. we wanted to scatter the dog's ashes on the farm because that was where the dog loved to go. it would be too cold and shitty to do that to the mutt in the winter time...
Lily, let me reply with a short message as I have not seen Crabby in a little while.
First welcome to the Field. I am sure Crabby will do a much better job of it once she is back from what ever she is doing.
Second Crabby has been in the Blog Interviewer thing since July. She took first place in July and I believe third place in August. She hates to keep asking people to vote for her so she has stopped doing that. If someone would like to vote for her than she is happy, if not oh well. What she would like to do is stay in the top 10 if possible just so that people, such as yourself, might notice her blog and come join in the fun. So far that seems to be going well.
If you would like to have your friends vote for her blog that would be wonderful but either way please do come back and join in the fun. I know she loves it when new people come along so if there is anyone else that may enjoy what you have seen here please bring them along too. Everyone is welcome here as long as you are not being mean to people (that last little bit I think is true but that more came from me)
Once again, glad to have you come visit. Please stop by again. Now where is Crabby at anyway? Oh Lucy... go find Crabby!
At 9/11/2007 12:46 PM, ed
Sorry to be gone so long guys. I've had some stuff going on here I had to take care of. And....I got sicker than a dog on top of it.
Welcome and THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! to Lily and Ed. I really appreciate it.
Barman did a nice job of filling in for me. Heaven knows somebody has to. I did just want to stay visible at this point but....I am ALWAYS up for a win. So thanks for your support. And keep coming back. I'm not usually absent for this long. Honest.
Check your shoes before you leave.
Crabby, you are letting Miss Ellie on the mantle drive you, uh, up the mantle. Why not just scatter her among the cow pies and forget it?