about
In an attempt to cleanse my black soul so I might spread the true meaning of Christmas to all of you...I have sacrificed and confessed the thoughts that dance 'round and 'round inside my head during the Christmas season.I needed somebody to confess to and since I'm Lutheran and not Catholic, I nabbed Rainy Pete doin' his elf bit at a local department store. (no I don't know why he does it. Let's get back to me.)
My Confession.
1. When I see a department store Santa I have to fight the urge to pull a gun outa my britches, take aim at his booted feet, fire, and holler..."DANCE FAT MAN! DANCE!"
2. I would like to take all the little animated , singing animals off the department store shelves, rip their little heads off and roll them across the nearest busy street. It would tickle me to hear the pop, crunch, splatter of their bitty singing heads as one car after another rolled over them.
3. I like fruitcake.
4. In my head, parking space theives are melted by my super power laser eyeballs, into a puddle of stinking goo.
5. and finally, family members who threaten to cancel Christmas because they're not happy about some thing or another, can kiss my droopy, white, ass cheeks.
There, now I am officially cleansed. All ready for Christmas fun and frolic. Who wants eggnog?
PS. somebody might have to revive Pete.
Dorothy, maybe...just maybe they're so busy feeling sorry for themselves they are unable to consider the feelings of other people. Most especially the people who had nothing to do with their problems. Ya gotta wonder what makes some folks minds tick. Seems like some people just feel the need to hurt other people. Make sure they're good and miserable weather they've done anything to deserve it or not.
You know, kind of like, if I'm miserable, you're gonna be miserable too, even if you weren't here and didn't know a thing about it.
Deb, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha! That worked out for ya? Can I borrow your phone right after Milky? LOL!
Barman, you are RIGHT! All fruitcake is not created equal. Some are kickin and some are really bad. I am sooo lovin the idea of an eggnog drink off.
Zen, yeah actually he was a very good listener..... ugh oh.
` As part of family Christmas decorations, there used to be a mini mechanical Santa Claus that walked, ringing a bell, and a Frosty that sang Frosty the Snowman.
` I was severely scarred by them both and I hope they and their ilk die horrible deaths.
` I also like fruitcake - even the cheap shitty stuff Dr. Demento sends his fans.
` AND I HATE PARKING SPACE THIEVES! Every time I go somewhere in Everett during an event, the streets are packed with cars and it's very rare I can park anywhere near where I'm trying to go!
` One time when I lived downtown, I was picking someone up to go somewhere and the only parking spot I could find was a couple blocks from my driveway, so I said 'screw it!', parked back in my driveway and walked there anyway.
` And Deb... good job! Phone-throwing in my experience usually leads to police-calling, though apparently you have the knack.
` BTW, please pass the Eggnog! I have more flavors to add, though I don't think the Bombay Blue Sapphire would taste that well so we can drink that straight up.
see quine,
I had the phone in my hand because I was ABOUT TO CALL THE POLICE.
Seriously. Her ass was about three seconds away from getting forcibily removed from my house. But then I decided that I didn't want to get arrested along with her for disorderly conduct. Which to this day is the only reason why I didn't call. But it must have scared the crap out of her when I flung it anyway because she apologized after that.
Things are beter. She's still a drunk nut but she doesn't misbehave around me. Much. I am at a level of tolerable shennanigan for the one-two times a year I must deal with her.
This was all right around the time Russell Crowe hurled the phone at some poor immigrant bell hop. I'd say my situation turned out much better than his!
I seriously don't recommend the phone throwing UNLESS you have at LEAST a decade's worth of bad blood to work out. :)
Check your shoes before you leave.
Do you have some Capt Morgan for that eggnog?