Monday, January 09, 2006

THIS JUST IN.

The following clip was taken from a hidden security camera in the rear of Crabcake's laboratory near the stink bush burial site of HoneyHive. Though Dr. Crabcake professed to be extremely distraught over the cloning accident that took the life of a vital young woman, the following clip seems to prove otherwise. Dr. Crabcake and her assistants are now under full investigation for possible homicide.

When this reporter asked Dr. Crabcake how she explained the clip she said ........

"I always giggle at funerals. Didn't ya read my profile? It's like a nervous tic or something. I've been kicked out of at least two funerals for giggling like a hyena and those were family members. Ok, for instance, when my grandfather died, the lady playing the organ sang off-key. I mean, wayyyyyy off key. I did ok until my cousin shot me this worried look. (she knows I have an affliction when it comes to dead people.) Anyway, soon as I saw the look on her face .... I dunno... it just seemed funny that she was so worried I would lose it that..... well... I lost it and started braying like a jack-ass. Which surprisingly set off a chain reaction. There were at least 2 rows of people hiding their faces and laughing hysterically. So I didn't get kicked out of that one.

Next time my uncle, who was a mean drunk that beat his kids, died. I made it all the way through until the minister said, "Sonny was well loved by all and will be sorely misssed by his family." Little sister who sat on the other side of "the squirrel" leaned over at that time to say, "I knew it. They got this guy right out of the yellow pages. No way in hell did he know Sonny." The squirrel elbowed both of us and hissed at me not to start. Big guy sitting on my other side muttered, "Oh shit." And next thing I knew, I was howling laughter so hard I started to wheeze. I was politely asked to leave. Big guy had already grabbed his coat in anticipation of this event. Since it happens regularly.

Another uncle (they dropped like flies for a few years) pickled his liver so bad he was green when he died. They piled on tons of pancake make up but..... it only made him look like a black guy with a bad fungus problem. We stood at the casket, the two sisters and me (big guy won't go near a casket with me anymore) The squirrel once again took the middle ground in an effort to control the situation. She's the nice one. In an attempt to cheer up our grandmother the squirrel says, "they did a nice job with the make up. He looks much better." My grandmother nodded and I blurted out, "Which dead guy are YOU lookin at? He looks like a martian." Little sister chimed in, "or a zombie. The walking dead....wooooooo."

Now the squirrel has this thing she does when she's pissed where if she can get to us she'll squeeze our elbows. It hurts like a bitch. Normally we protect ourselves but this time we didn't see it coming. Little sister has a temper and the elbow pinch set her off but good so she hollers (loudly) "Pinch me again and see if you don't end up in that box with him!" I glanced back and sure enough, everybody was staring at us. Once again I got nervous and ..... you guessed it ..... brayed like a jackass. And once again, the big guy had the coats ready by the door.

I had a big family and they're all pretty much dead now. Ask anybody who's left. I have dead people issues. I couldn't help but laugh when we buried her. It's a sickness, I tell ya!"

Though her words rang true, this reported still finds the the following clip to be incriminating. Time and a full investigation will tell.

DAMN IT TO HELL! I CAN'T GET THE BLASTED MOVIE LINK TO WORK RIGHT! UGH! Curse my addled pea-brain anyhow. This is driving me mad!