about
Step right up, folks. See the amazing kook magnet woman! You can stand her anywhere, north, south, east, west...doesn't matter. Kooks will flock to her instantly.That's right. It's me. I'm jinxed. I come from a long line of loonies and I attract loonies. They are drawn to me like mosquetos to a bug zapper. zit ziiittt ziiittttt, with an occasional POP!
Last night was POP.
When I was 7 (about a hundred years ago) my Dad left. I did not hear from him again until oh.....2 or 3 years ago. He called to tell me he had prostate cancer. Then quickly he filled me in on his other activities. He is married to a woman my age and has 4 kids. Turns out all together I have 7 brothers and sisters scattered hither and yon among these United States. You could be my sibling. That's how Dad rolls. His brother has 15 kids scattered about. They are Scottish and my personal opinion is that they are trying to overthrow America by repopulating it with Scottish off-spring. Sadly, there's nary a full blooded Scottish lass to be found in these parts so said off-spring are, in fact, mongrels. Mixed breed scotts.
Turned out, the old man was having trouble with the misses. She was having an affair with an old boyfriend on-line. Many e-mails were sent in Dad's need to "talk". It's all good. Doesn't hurt me to listen.
Last night his wife called me, drunk out of her mind asking why I'd sent a pic of my sister and I when we were little to my Dad with the caption on it that read, "We're ok on our own."
I don't have a clue what she's talking about. Didn't sent it. Never heard of it. Told her so and hoped that she would please now for the love of Pete, hang up the phone and let me get back to what I was doing. But noooooooooooo. On and on it went for over a half hour. She had gotten into my Dad's mail, found the pic, and was convinced I'd sent it.
As anyone over the age of 21 knows the only time a drunk is tolerable is when you are drunk too. It's dulls the mind and creates a buffer. I was not drunk last night. So I had to listen to this woman's ramblings about how my dad is always angry with her for no reason. Personally I think it could the be cocaine and booze that sets him off but...what do I know? Not my business anyway.
Why after over 40 years I have to all of a sudden be drug into my Dad's new families problems? Because, I am a bonefide kook magnet. It's been proven over and over again. If there is kookdom out there, it will find me.
Is there such a thing as a functional family? Do they really exist? Seriously? Are all you people out there surrounded with normies? Or has an occasional loon turned up in your family?
Talk to me. Just a yes or a no. Tell me I'm not hangin alone out here on the nut tree.
PS. Dad's prostate cancer is in remission and he now has a prescription for "the little blue pill". He's itching to travel again. So keep a look out for a randy 80 year old Scott with a gleam in his eye. He may be headed your way.
ahhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha! Good ole Flo. I imagine I'll have myself a blow up named Sven some day. Hopefully he'll have a place to plug him in so he'll heat up. I like a warm man. Now, we're assuming I'll outlive Bob here. Which I probably will cause I think I'm taking years offa his life everyday just by talking. He rubs his temples a lot.
Tina, yanno what? You could be. If all the rest are normal, it could be you. Cause the law of mankind says every family must have it's nut.
Waygon? You're the normal one? ahhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha! Sure you are.
Captain, that is exactly how I thought it must feel cause often times when the kooks show up before me they have this strange, "how did I get here" expression on their faces.
Signgurl, I know! Isn't that weird? In-laws are always off their rockers. Every one of them!
At 2/21/2006 6:13 PM, 
FLAMINGO1
There is no such thing as a functional family. There are, however, different degrees of dysfunction.
I think I would have hung up. You are far more patient than I am and thus a far better person. I would have told them all to kiss my ass.
He disappears for a hundred years and then pops up when he thinks he might be sick and possibly dying. Where the hell was he when you were sick or alone, or in need.
Eff him. I am sorry - that just makes me angry. People can be so damn selfish - and then they try to make it feel as if it is your fault when you don't want to put up with their bs.
I am the only normal one in my family too. The rest of the clan is waiting for the rapture. Meanwhile I am out there experiencing rapture.
I have actually told my sister that she shouldn't fear hell because she is presently experiencing it due to her fear to live.
I am happy I had someone like Milmaid shake my tree so that I fell out.
Aw, Flamingo. I love you. Thanks, sicerely for what you said.
You do live! I can't imagine climbing a mountain. That was cool! The pics were awesome. I pilfered that one. A man standing atop a mountain is just too cool to leave alone.
I get out there and mix it up as much as possible. Always figured when you stop enjoying life for all you're worth, that's when you begin to die.
Check your shoes before you leave.
If I skake this tree really really hard, you'll fall out.
DO NOT hold on? K?