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The following is a public service freebie brought to you by the friendly "folk" at Crabs incorporated.Interviewer: So Crabby, it came to our attention that you became quite annoyed recently.
Crabby: Yes, John. That's correct. I popped a nut.
Interviewer: What caused this, do you think?
Crabby: (demurely looks down at her hands folded politely on her lap) You mean what was the thing that finally sent me off to La La land?
Interviewer: Yes.
Crabby: (hands fisting. Knuckles whitening. teeth grinding) It was when the contractor after 3 months finally came with an estimate for my porch, and forgot to add in walls and a roof. But I'm all over it now.
Interviewer: Yes. I can see you're doing much better. How did .....
Crabby: And when I mentioned that, he said, "Oh that's nothing. We can add that later."
Interviewer: So how did.....
Crabby: Then I found out that it took him 3 friggin weeks to get pricing.....OFF THE INTERNET! HE DIDN'T TALK TO ONE ELECTRICIAN OR CARPENTER OR ANYTHING!
Interviewer: But you recovered your composure and....
Crabby: Then my i-pod broke. The dog got the runs. I tripped over 3 pairs of my husband's shoes which are "always" on the living room floor, and fell into the little knight in armor on the fireplace. I've got friggin knot on my head the size of Bizmark! Then...THEN.... I got my finger caught in the pocket door!
Interviewer: Should we do this another time?
Crabby: JUST GET ON WITH THE DAMN THING!
Interviewer: (scoots his chair further away) So how did you regain control of yourself and get that stress back under wraps?
Crabby: I took some time away from home. It's good to get out of the house.
Interviewer: Is it true that you had an altercation with an elderly lady at the Dairy Queen?
Crabby: (takes deep breath) There was a moment, yes. (ps. I think you mighta spelt altercation wrong)
Interviewer: Did you tell her she'd be able to sit more comfortably if she took the stick out of her wrinkled old ass?
Crabby: I might have. I don't remember now.
Interviewer: Spectators say you went on a five minute rant saying if people had to pass an IQ test before they could file lawsuits that the number of lawsuits in this country would be almost non-exsistant.
Crabby: (eye twitching) The old bag wanted to sue DQ because her ice cream birthday cake was mislabeled! WTF!? It's a fuckin cake, bitch! Remember ...... A lady at McDonalds sued them cause her coffee was too hot? COFFEE IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUCKING HOT! And what about the people who put a finger in their chili and sued Wendy's? GIVE ME A BREAK!
Interviewer: (now stands, worriedly as camera men also begin to back away) But you are better now, right?
Crabby: Oh hell, yeah! I'm good. Calm. A-ok.
Interviewer: Do you have any advice to give other people who are currently suffering from stress?
Crabby: Yes. Get out there in the world, find a deserving asshole, and let them have it.
Interviewer: I'm sorry. We can't write that. We could be sued.
Crabby: SEE???? That's what I'm talkin about!
Gareth, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha! Um....no. No. I'm good. LOL!
Barman, thank you! Actually the contractor thing happened night before last. Yesterday, I did what I always do when I'm ticked, I left home and traveled about getting into this and that while the dust settled in my aching brain. DQ was one of my first and last stops. LOL!
Milky, Bizmark is a place, right? Wait ..... is it a place or a doughnut? It might be a cookie. is it a state?
Sal, you're welcome. I got a free cone out of that. I was sooo angry because the old bat made the little girl behind the counter cry that I tossed my cone in the trash so I could use my hands while I yelled at her. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha!
The manager came out and got things settled down eventually. When the rotty old prune left I realized I'd tossed my cone. So I said, "oh crap! I threw my cone away." He gave me one on the house.
He told me later he would have come out sooner but he and a couple of the other guys couldn't stop laughing when I was yelling at the old woman. She was soooo awful!
You know what she was angry about? The name was misspelled on her birthday cake. Come on! It's an edible for crying out loud. Just eat the damnable thing!
Barman, you'll love this. The whole thing took place the day before. They ate the cake! And she's gonna sue??? please!
Lori, ever notice with older folks you either get mellow and cute, or 100% curmudgeon asswipe? I don't get it. If you live that long, shouldn't you be happy every day cuz, HULLO! you're still here.
Barman, you'll love this. The whole thing took place the day before. They ate the cake! And she's gonna sue??? please!
Lori, ever notice with older folks you either get mellow and cute, or 100% curmudgeon asswipe? I don't get it. If you live that long, shouldn't you be happy every day cuz, HULLO! you're still here.
I don't understand why she was unloading on a worker anyhow. She should have asked for the manager. And the day before...
Gee maybe I can try that. In the past Brian was the much more popular way to spell the name than Bryan (like I spell my name) was. Maybe I can get a free cake out of this. Only problem is I am not sure I could bring myself to be an arse about it.
At 7/26/2006 1:19 PM, 
Spoony Quine
` Aaahhh haaa haaa! Such a creative way to document hilarious instances of your being pissed off.
` ...And I'm assuming the DQ manager was laughing with you, not at you?
` I know there's a Bismarck, North Dakota.... It's also a German warship that destroyed the HMS Hood and then was sank. Its defeat was immortalized in a song that was colorfully entitled none other than 'Sinking the Bismarck'.
` The word itself means chancellor or minister or statesman or something like that.
` ;) glad to be informative!
Barman, if you're like me you could never pull it off. You'd walk in, smell the ice cream and smile, smile, smile. LOL!
Seequin, I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT WAS A PLACE! I just didn't know where. LOL! See, this is why I need to keep you around. You know stuff. And my brain is basically, empty. I don't mind. It keeps my overall weight down.
At 7/26/2006 6:18 PM, indiansfan
Ok, I have one question. When she picked up the cake, did she not look at it to see if the name was spelled right? My dad is almost 89 and he would have put on his glasses and looked before he paid for it. The dumb old lady!! Good for you for giving her what for!! I love old people, but they can't be cranky all the time!!
Oh to funny. I visited the DQ site and found a gift store. Looky what I found on there. A trendy But Sporty. I wonder if they ment Butt Sporty? LOL
Indiansfan, Sorry I didn't see you up there and I was rushin like mad this morning to get ready for the big poke, prod and run physical. I'm guessing the old gal didn't check the cake at all.
Milky, shame on you! Every body belongs in a blizzard club. It's chock full of calcium for healthy bones ya know.
Roxi, and also, no roof, walls, or screen means .... faster construction time.
Barman, so far, I'm rockin out at the good health thing. He said I was in great shape for a 30 year old and remarkable shape for a 55 year old. I passed all the tests they tossed my way so far. There's one left to come back. And I have to go get a bones denisity test. What ever that is. But he said he didn't really think I needed it. Just a precaution.
Check your shoes before you leave.
So did something upset you?! I'm not quite sure :/
;)