about
It was bound to happen. Nobody in our family can stay nice and sweet forever. It's not in our genes.
On Christmas Day evening, I had just come in from loading up my car with gifts and walked into the kitchen in time to hear the heated whispers of my two sisters who were obviously trying to be discreet because Miss Ellie, Bob's mother, 84 and blind, was sitting in the next room.
(apparently they are both unaware of her super hearing powers. The woman can hear through walls)
Manny: YOU CAN'T DO THAT! It's not right. I made that cake especially for Miss Ellie. I promised her.
Squirrel: She can't eat a whole cake. Anyway, she'll never know the difference.
Manny: It doesn't matter. I'll know. You're stealing from an 84 year old, blind woman!
Squirrel: She's still getting cake.
Manny: It's not right. Give the woman the cake I made for her! I mean it!
Squirrel: Pleeeease! I like this cake!
Manny: You have one of your own. Anyway it's easy to make another one.
Squirrel: (now panicked and whispering loudly) People have eaten off of mine already! I won't have as much. Look. Just look at it. It looks like a whole cake. She's blind! She won't know the difference. Seriously, she can't eat a whole sheet cake. She's old!
Manny: (turns to me) Look what she's done!
I looked. I even took pictures. It was hard though because I was laughing so much my eyes were watering.
Manny: She's trying to keep a blind woman's cake for herself! Is that right?
Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Manny: Oh fine! Do what you want then. If you can live with yourself after stealing from a helpless old blind woman.
(insert Miss Ellie's voice from living room)
Miss Ellie: Isn't that coffee ready yet? I'm waiting.
(Not the first time I've heard these words from Ellie.)
Looking at squirrel, I said, to Manny's dismay ........ "Do it."
After proper surgical proceedures were completed, this is the cake, Miss Ellie ended up with. Basically left-overs, skillfully reshaped to look like an entire cake. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha!
G-man, I've always thought of myself as the sane one, now that you mention it.
Seequin, it's possible she has exploded. I don't believe anyone has actually seen her since that night. Well, Manny can check on her. Cuz if she did explode, first person there cleans up the mess and no way am I cleaning something that gross up.
Manny, Her neighbor won't clean her up. She'll just call you back and tell you there's been a terrible tragedy and you need to get to Squirrels post haste. Then you still have to clean squirrel parts offa the walls and crap.
Wait! I've got it! Just let her dogs out of the laundry room. They'll clean it up. They'll eat anything.
Crab, Manny said that you named her and squirrel, because you are the oldest and you said so. Is that right? Have you ever called or named anyone...
asshole
numnuts
dickweed
shitbreath
shit-for-brains
peckerwood
armadillo
dildo
hemmoroid
hippo
pecan pie
Do you know any of these people?
Do you wield that kind of power?
If so, I'm sorry if I've ever offended you...G
G-Man, you dillweed. Oh wait, that was not one of the choices. :)
I sure hope you are bending the truth just a bit crabs. I know Squirrel likes coconut but why couldn't she ask Manny nice like to make another cake? Stealing almost all of Ms. Ellie's cake is just not right.
Sounds like never a dull moment.
At 12/28/2006 8:31 AM, 
Mouthy Girl
Holy Cripes! I swear to you, I almost pissed my pants reading this, Crabbers! You guys are just like me and my sisters. Jaysus.
To annoy our Mom's heinous husband, my sisters and I sang carols at the TOP of our lungs all day long. I think I may have set a stroke into motion! Good times!
And thank you SO much for the before and after cake pics. They MADE the post!
Manny, are you asking for help with blog roll? LOL! Send me your login and pass and I'll see if I can fix it. then DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING BEHIND THE CURTAIN! (geez. Now I know how Milky feels. How scary is that?)
Zen, it's my nickname for her. All you guys have nicknames in my head too.
Seequin, it IS true. Sadly the one dog can see food unless it's right under her nose but once it's there, she'l eat it.
Matty, She still hasn't figured it out! Bob talked to her last night and she still thinks she has a whole cake even though it doesn't even go all the way to the sides of the pan. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha! Blind folks are a hoot.
G-man, tis true. I nicknamed the middle sister squirrel years ago because she hoardes things like a squirrel with it's nuts. She has two spare bedrooms filled to brimming with stuff she bought on sale. She also ....sayyyy...I'll just post it. LOL! I haven't used any of the names you listed but I am responsible for "blug".
Barman, I swear, I am so close to dead on accurate with this story I could be a journalist or something. And the best part is....there WERE two cakes! Two complete sheet cakes. The Squirrel wanted to give Ellie the one everyone had taken a piece from but it wasn't small enough to fit into her little pan so she had to cut it some more. LOL!
Yanno, I kind of like Dillweed. That's a good name, bro.
BUDDAH! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I need to tie you to your puter chair or something. I'm glad you're back! I was missing you. Nice job with the step dad. If ya need help I can send you a DVD of me singing. That'll put anybody off their kibble for at least a month.
At 12/28/2006 10:02 AM, granny got game
Crabby, I beseech you! Please ask your fellow bloggers to come to Willowbrooke and sign our petition. Innocent people are being grossly abused!
GRANNY GOT GAME
LOL...your not missing much by not knowing what a cheese curd is...EWWWW GROSS! They're the rubbery cheese that is taken off of the "real" cheese (I think...lol!)
I'm still laughing at your blog and Oh man...tooth picks, food, blind lady...so not good...so then why am I still laughing?????? Damn I'm a sick sista!
Jillie, I swear, I'm gonna kill that woman. (the breather) The sicker I get. The more determined I get. Maybe Manny could make her a cake. Oh that's right...she doesn't eat. Bad for her girlish figure.
ok. somebody stop me now. Cuz you guys know I am not in my right mind.
Ewwwwwwwwwww on cheese curds. icky icky.
G-man do you really eat that stuff?
At 12/28/2006 10:25 PM, barman
Milky, turns out there is an actual drink for that to called the ABSOLUT HUNK.
The ingredients
4 Parts ABSOLUT VANILIA
1 part simple syrup
1 part fresh lime juice
splash of pineapple juice
Pour ABSOLUT VANILIA over ice in a shaker. (Create simple syrup by mixing equal parts water and sugar together and stand mixture aside until it has dissolved into a simple syrup). Add simple syrup, fresh lime juice and a splash of pineapple juice. Shake or stir well. Strain and serve in chilled martini glass. Garnish with a lime.
OK, so no one wants the drink, you seem to be looking at something else.
Milkmaid, I know some gals wouldn't be too happy with you on all this Vodka penis man talk. I'll send them the link. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha!
Rox, I begged Manny to bake you a cake and she said, "NO. Roxi can bake her own damn cake."
Dirk, welcome and I've been having a lot of fun reading your blog too! Could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. LOL! If you guys haven't stopped by Dirk's. Go check it out.
Barman, I'll take g-man's double dog dare and triple it. LOL! In fact, I'd pay to see this. (I'll just be charging the video camera)
Milky, put the Vodka down. You can't drink that for breakfast! Pssst. manny grab it and run like the wind, I'll meet you around back.
G-man, I HAD a walnut crunch. They have the whole doughnut, just not the timbit version. How about that? It was pretty good too. I also like their cruellers. If you heat them in the micro for 15 seconds....tasty!
Check your shoes before you leave.
Because I covered for the Squirrel, Ms. Ellie will think I'm a liar.
Way last Saturday, Ms. Ellie called and asked me specifically to bake her a cake. I assured her she would have her own cake to take home so she could entertain her friends the day after Christmas.