about
I was out yesterday. And I will be out today. Shopping...shopping, hauling bags bigger than me. Eventually lips parched, pits damp, throat raspy, I WILL head for water or 7 up anything wet. Soon after it will happen, as it always does.
The bladder being a viscious betrayer, will scream out, GOTTA GO. GOTTA GO. GOTTA GO, RIGHT NOW! And I'll have no choice but to obey.
I'll juggle my bags, overcoat, and purse to get into the bathroom without knocking children and/or old people unconscious. Then......the horror begins. I'll open a stall door, eager to obey the hateful bladder and the toilet seat will be sprayed with urine so yellow it looks as if it's wearing a mustard mask.....on I'll go bumping into things, to the next stall, where inevitably I will find a nasty brown smear across the seat. and so it goes....worse and worser.
On this new day of shopping I pray.....for a fresh seat. Only that and nothing more. Surely, surely, this is doable?
jodes, it's the worst. And really bad today because I had another reaction to my allergy shots. Ay yi yi! I mean.... ho ho ho.
g-man, that cuz that restroom came right off of google images. I'll take my camera tomorrow and give you a treat. LOL!
PS. I have been in the men's room. Once by accident and once because I offered to paint the one where I worked. GADS! what a rathole! It was 10 miles past icky.
Kept, I could not have said it better, bloody hell!
Milky, the question isn't if yer on the list, it's are ya under naughty....or good? LOL!
Helen, after today, Depends are looking awfully sweet to me.
People, I have officially given up. The human race is NASTY! I know how the urine happens, one squatter creates the next squatter, yadda yadda.....but somebody explain to me....how exactly those brown streaks get spread across the seat?
And how about the non-flushers? I mean...COME ON! how long does it take to flush a john?
Today I actually saw a nice looking, really well dressed girl come in, do her thing, put on lipstick, and walk right out with no thought at all to washing her hands. ICK!
I dont know about that blogroll ping thing, I have my list in bloglines and I'm not really happy about it. Some sides are just marked with attention signs, but I havent figured out how to correct the problems... And I still havent found out how to connect the linklist on my side with the bloglines feeds.
Jeeezz, I'm uneducated!
Barman, I may give that a look. I do see one update today on the blog list.
Pete, that's an excellent idea...and a blow dryer!
Gab, that would be such sweet justice! LOL!
Mone, public restrooms are the worst! Even in the nicer places that offer seat covers. Don't feel bad about being techie challenged. I'm right there with ya.
Iris, Ruby has balls? er...I mean...had balls. LMAO!
At 12/13/2006 1:52 PM, 
Iris VonKornea
Petulant... it means IRKSOME AND IRRITATED, do you know anyone like that?
I do.
Speaking of losing balls, my daughter Peter is going in to lop off his balls next week, though they are not the type that would fit on Ruby Dean's walker.
I swear to God he's trying to give me a heart attack, what with doing this during the Advent season.
I smell Ethel's Nativity scene starting to smolder.
He should at least wait until after the celebration of the birth of baby Jesus is over, shouldn't he?
Lansakes, I need my pills.
` EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW! Well, just be grateful you never lived with a guy named Ron. He would get brown splatters everywhere and never clean it up!
` Also, he left garbage on the floor and his body hair coated the bottom of the bathtub and clogged it all the time. I'm not kidding. I'd see it all the time when I was over there.
` And so the unfortunate guy who shared the bathroom would have to clean up all that.
` Also, he would not wash the dishes very well and just put them away for people to discover, hopefully before they started using them, the crusty gunk all over.
` Eeeeeeew!
` BTW Crabby, at least you have MONEY to go SHOPPING. I have a special kind of money called MINUS money, and a lot of it!
Milky, I do believe we both have an over-abudunce of balls in out houses...no wait...Smilin George doesn't have balls. We left them with the vet. That just leaves bob and possibly Webby but...I can't see his.
g-man...psssssssssst. Don't get her started on definitions. If you knew Iris like I know Iris....sayyyyy....wasn't that a song?
Iris, Peter's surgery is next week???? I better order flowers. What color ya think?....pink?
PS. Dubbin just peed on Ethel's nativity scene, the wires shorted and they're having a hell of time putting the fire out. Mr. Hinkleshire says Dubbin has to go! I explained Dubbin is a guide dog and by law can NOT be taken off the job. Now....we just have to find him and get him back ON the job.
Tumble, I don't have enough leg to squat. I'm 5'1 and a half, if I squat, I'm sitting. LOL!
Seequin, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Now see, this just goes to show...be careful how you choose your roomies.
PS. Actually what I have isn't money, it's bob's credit card. ahhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha! Can I help it if it follows me around?
Gareth, it's not nice to poke fun at the aimingly impaired. I got nuthin to aim with. OOOOOO, you got a poem dedicated to you below. ahhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha!
Maya, I rarely send fan mail but I must say, this may be one of your finest works. LMAO!
At 12/13/2006 8:46 PM, Zen Wizard
Don't they have ass gaskets in Ohio, or has waxed paper technology not risen to that level there yet??
At 12/14/2006 8:55 AM, Iris VonKornea
g-man, it's been so long for me in the passion department, my innards are turning to dust and I'm constantly trailing sand from my britches.
It's not cramping either. Its called being an annoying, bitter old cranky bat. My daughter Peter locked me up in this shithole with nothing to do but think up ways to manipulate everyone around me into doing my bidding!
Oooooooh, ooooooooh, ooooooooooooooh!
In retrospect, I wish my dear sweet Horatio and I had had more children, other than my swishy son, because I think at this stage of my life, I could have great fun guilting all of them out and pitting them against one another.
At 12/14/2006 9:03 AM, Iris VonKornea
Oh dear heavens.... horrible news! My brother in law, Bing Walkowitz, just had a massive corinary! He's dead!
Oh sweet Jesus!
Can you believe my daughter Peter is still going to lop off his balls anyway! My sister Irma Jean is going to be relentless about him missing the funeral.
This is not a merry Christmas.
Check your shoes before you leave.
I totally feel your pain, I hate going to public restrooms.