about
It was bound to happen. Happens every time I vow to be a better more compassionate human being. Life takes a great big steaming crap on my person a couple, 3 times and, blamo, the nice me whimpers....."oooo. can't we just be sweet to each other?" Which elicits an immediate negative retching reaction from my other personality. And.....THE CRABOLATOR emerges.In the past several days Bob and I have worked "alone" cleaning out Miss Ellie's apartment while one sib, micro-manages from another state and the other sib and his bride have turned into the amazing disappearing couple. This is NOT a small amount of work.
Fine. I can deal. I just go in there, keep on workin' and get her done.
However, that's not the ONLY thing that's happened. My brand new car has been hit twice in 3 weeks. The first time some idiot in a dump truck was hauling gravel "uncovered"! The gravel flew out of his truck. We got whacked a number of times one of which put a nice little bullet hole looking series of cracks in my windshield. Would the guy pull over? NOPE!
We followed him back to the quarry where he tried to get out of taking responsibility, the little toad! (he lost)
Second time: Once again at Ellie's cleaning and packing "alone". One of her neighbors (in a nearly empty parking lot) backs into the front of my car. (important note: to do this she had to back all the way ACROSS an empty parking lot. Mind boggling, isn't it?) The good news here is, you can now easily see how they attach the side panel bumper to the main part of the car.
Bone tired, stressed to the maximum of my personal capabilities, I sat statue-like on the floor of the now empty bedroom. I could feel the drool running down the sides of my gaping maw as I continued mindlessly to sit ..... staring....staring...staring, until finally I got up and pronounced to Bob. "I'm going home now."
DON'T YOU DARE STOP READING HERE! IT'S NOT OVER.
In the car, Bob tries making conversation. I hear his voice but from far, far, away as I notice up ahead of us....yet another dump truck, this time with a covered load ..... only....it's not all the way tied down. All of a sudden debris begins to fly off the back the truck bouncing all over the highway hitting one car after another. Not the least of which, is........go ahead.....guess. Did you guess, MINE? YOU'RE RIGHT! The sound was rhythmic to the point of being almost hypnotizing. click click clickty CLUMP! click click click BING! Over and over. Oddly, Bob didn't seem to even notice. He says to me, "You sure are quiet. Are you ok? You're scaring me a little."
"Fine," I tell him. "Just watching this shit hit my car over and over and over."
"Damn!" he says. "Not again."
Once home, Bob got out to check the now battered to hell, less than 2 months old car, for additional damages. I decided not to look and instead retreated to the one place in the world where I could catch a breeze and possibly regain my sanity. My nice quiet, comfy, new patio on the ravine.
BUT NO, FUCK ME! My neighbor has installed brand new high powered speakers and apparently mounted them on the fence wall between our properties. And his bite-my-ass music is blaring into my yard, the ravine, and possibly.....your house! This is the 3rd night in a row for this crap.
In all honesty, I don't know exactly what happened just then and don't remember getting the gun. But get it, I did. What I do remember is slamming the clip home, taking off the safety, chambering my first bullet and opening the back door with ABSOLUTELY every intention of blowing those speakers to hell. That's when Jake shouted...."HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU CAN'T TAKE A GUN OUTSIDE? ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU'RE GONNA GET ARRESTED! Oh, I don't even want to tell Dad about this one. PUT THAT GUN AWAY!"
I stood there, staring longingly from the weapon to my neighbors yard where now his 3 idiot dogs had begun barking. Nice little back up to the blaring music. I doubt he heard the dogs.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I shouted.
Jake laughed but stood firm on the gun issue. "Put the gun down, Mom. I'm serious. You won't like prison. If you just talk to the guy I'm sure he'll turn the music down. Have you even tried talking to him?"
I didn't comment. Just took the clip out of the gun and walked away.
Today we discovered a big white scratch across the side of my car. The side that hasn't been backed into. I figure the next crash should probably come from the rear since every other side of the vehicle has been spoken for. I don't know when, where, or how. But it will happen. Why? I don't know.
I have been told to verbalize and not internalize. So today I begin....vocalizing. And heaven have mercy on anyone who screws with me. Cause they're gonna need it.
Labels: bad drivers, guns, inconsiderate assholes, irrisponsible truckers, worthless relatives
Curly, you're right. I am too cute for prison. With my luck there really is an Olga and she'd be all over me like white on rice.
We're not selling anything so the only thing we have to share is the work. LOL!
I do like your snipping idea! That's a crackerjack plan and I can wear my cat-burgler suit.
Milky, you could shove garlic up my ass and I doubt it'd help. I'm cursed or something. I don't even care anymore. I just find one place on my car that's undamaged and I stand back and think how pretty that part is.
ebezp, Can you believe this crap? I swear I'm not even embellishing or anything. Now I pretty much just walk around waiting for a piano to fall on my head.
What I need is some mumbo jumbo witch doctor or something to take the curse off. Cuz somebody, somewhere, is sticking pins in my ass.
Did you take a mosey around your car, well did ya? I think someone attached a kick me sign onto it when you were not looking. I think I would take MilkMaid up on the garlic. There is definetly some bad mojo going on here.
Oh and should you ever shoot those speakers make sure it is while thay are a blasting away so no onw knows you did it... at least not right away.
You know they have a noise ordinace all over the place. It would not surprise me if your neck of the woods does too. Sometimes it does not kick in until 10:00 or something but if it is loud enough I am sure that the boys in blue would love to pay them a visit.
Hey, how about send the samily of skunks their way. I bet that would shut them up for a little while.
Sign, I love you right back.
BT, nawwww. I just found out, it's the weekend that's gonna be bad.
You know I've heard that some military prisoners can go to a secret place inside their head to escape the pain of torture. Does anyone out there know how you find your secret place? And please don't say through masturbation because that's gonna be out of the question, unfortunately.
At 6/15/2007 10:57 AM, 
Spoony Quine
` You know what I think you need? Take some time out to be in a movie like the one we were in!
` It'll be called 'Don't Mess With Crabby!'
At 6/17/2007 7:57 PM, GAB
Holy crap batman this poor woman really needs a vacation!
Sorry just had to be said. I had that happen to me once when I had a brand new car But I mean it really was a Brand New Car not one that was used before by someone else. And let me tell you if I had owned a gun I would have used it on the sucker who hit me. No I wouldnt have shot him but his dang ride.the one that hit my new car!
And as for the neighbors I guess its a good thing Jake was there to stop you. Had it been me I dont think anyone could have stopped me after a day like you already had. Hope things get better for you.
And I thought I was having a bad week... you won the First prize on that!
Check your shoes before you leave.
Holy crap! You've just had a shitter of a time lately. First of all, I'd report all the damage done and get your car spiffied up. (Hopefully you got the info from the second truck and the moron who hit your car in the lot)
Secondly, I say go out in your yard after dark and do a little snip snip job on the speakers' wires. Or reconnect them incorrectly so they just don't work.
But prison wouldn't be fun. You're too cute for prison.