about
Look, I'm a today kinda gal. But I am seriously wiggin over the idea of Miss Ellie being up there on my mantle. Course I KNOW it's not really her, but, yuh huh! IT IS! It was one thing to go with the whole cremation thing. It's what she wanted and that's cool. But nobody told me, I was gonna have custody of Ellie when it was all over. The first day she was up there I found myself walking over to the urn and whispering...."are you in there?"
I'm constantly looking over there. And when Bob gets frisky in front of her, I freak. I don't say anything but....HELLOOOOO??? SHE'S RIGHT THERE!
One day Bob was talking on the phone with his brother and he said, sadly and sincerely, "I don't think I like having my mother in a jar." I almost choked.
Worst part is when they eventually decide where to scatter her ashes....ICK ICK ICK! What if the wind is blowing the wrong direction or something? What if....Ellie gets in my eyes. What if my mouth is open and I swallow part of her?
If I ever get to where EVER the hell she is....she and I are gonna have SUCH a talk!
Labels: after life, cremation, haunt, peeping, sex
At 5/30/2007 1:03 AM, 
Cazzie!!!
PMSL, my nan was scattered into the sea on a windy day, my pop and uncle got her all over them, LOL.
My best friend's hubby is not yet scattered, and I am not so sure there will be any ofhim left TO scatter, his kids keep gettin him out and scattering a bit here and a but there in his backyard..there is about 1/4 of him left!!
LOL!! Don't know why....BUT, I had a visual of the I Dream of Jeannie, bottle. Ya know, all decked out with swank, posh, hip, 60's decor....and a cool couch for Miss Ellie...with A VIEW!!!
Ummm, does she have to have that honorable place, upon the mantle? Pretty sure I'd be thinking same as you, if'n we ended up with custody of my MIL!!!!!
At 5/30/2007 6:39 AM, Curly Glamour Girlie
My father-in-law's ashes are in our bedroom and I never really thought of it since they're not in a fancy urn or anything like that. They're just in a nice box on our bookshelf.
If you are scattering Ellie, I'd just be sure to wear a hat with a veil that day. Very fashionable and appropriate and proactive!
Milky, are you crazy? I'm not doin' anything to Ellie cause I don't want to end up with a haint in my house following me everywhere I go.
Cazzie, YES! See, that's what I'm afraid of. What if I swallow her or or something? Then I'll have Ellie running all through my intestinal tract. ICK ICK ICK!
Denny, don't think I haven't gone there in my head. I don't know if I'd ever be able to poop again. I can just see Bob giving me guilt inducing looks about eating his mother and pooping her out like a weenie or something. I'm doomed either way. Either I keep Ellie up there on my mantle watching me for all time. Or I end up eating her in a strong wind.
Jyfol, NUH UGH! Oh please, PLEASE, don't have me imagining Miss Ellie setting up house on my mantle. I tried to live with her once. She kept rearranging my silverware. And she stomped on a mole which freaked my sister out. My sister kept walking back and forth saying, "She just squished it like a bug." I could not get her to shut up about it.
Curlie, I don't have a hat with a veil on it. How about an ATV helmut with kerchief? Too much?
At 5/30/2007 1:36 PM, Dan
The mystery of the MIL is solved! You left a comment on my blog about your MIL being on your mantle. Even a Google search came up empty.
You're into gallows humor just like me. If you want to read the story of my dad and his cremation, head on over here.
Funny post of yours, by the way! And so sorry to hear about your MIL.
Jodes, I love you, too. ;)
Dan, on my way! LOL!
lee ann, oh yeah. I think there's at least 3 other places. But it was unanimously decided she'd stay here till they know where to scatter her. (unanimous cept for me who didn't know a thing, like always)
I'm not so sure, I personally would wanna be scattered hither and yon. On the other hand, it does have possibilities. I'll start making a list where I want all my parts to go.
G-man, oh for sure. I got it. None of my parts are rusty yet. Course, I can't see everything since my eyes went south. LOL!
Angela Marie, I'm gonna need more than a little bottle if I have to wash Ellie down. (shiver) I'm gonna duct tape my mouth. It's the only safe thing to do.
You guys in case you're wondering why there's no new post .... my crappy luck has kicked into full gear again. The basement flooded, I have over 5,000 family photos to scan and get out to Bob's family members on DVD and the scanner took one look at the job and decided it would rather drop dead. We dug up an electric cable that connects to......??????? NO idea, but here's a tip...never dig into electricity. You can fry your balls clean off. And of course we still have finish cleaning out Ellie's apartment by the ...end of the month? I don't hardly think that's gonna happen. LOL!
Ya gotta love the fact that you're not me.
At 5/31/2007 7:23 PM, GAB
I just cant imagine being burned up. Im even haveing a hard time thinking they will cut me up to examine my insides. Although we didnt with my mom cause we know she died of cancer. And we buried her right where I can go and visit and talk to her. SO if you are ever in mn and see some lady talking to a grave its probably me.
P.S. I also take care of my great grandparents, grandparts, one uncle and one aunt's graves in SD. What I mean it I make sure there are nice flowers and I clean around the headstones and yes I talk to them even though I never knew my great grandparents or my grandfather or aunt. They are family and I take care of my family. I hope someone will take such good care of me too.
Sign, everyone I've talked to about this has had a similar thing happen. See? I KNEW I wasn't just wiggin for no good reason. And yet, if we don't scatter her, she'll be on my mantle for all time. Which would work much better for me if Bob had chosen an urn that goes with my living room colors. Right now, Miss Ellis is clashing with everything in there. So, it's either risk swallowing her in a strong wind or having her clash with the living room decor.
My life sucks.
Gabby, we did that for the longest time. My Mother and most of her family are all buried in a row in the same place. You aren't allowed to plant flowers there, They have flower urns that fold down into the plot or whatever and you have to use those so they can mow the grass.
This whole deal has me freakin. So I decided, I'm gonna be taxidermied and sat in front of my computer. They can hang a sign o n my back, "Quiet. Dead person blogging."
At 6/01/2007 7:38 AM, GAB
At 6/01/2007 12:57 PM, Spoony Quine
` Aw, Crabby, I know the feeling. My cat's ashes are in a box I previously had put a picture of her in. It's really weird. I wasn't allowed to throw them out or grieve, so I think I'm going to have to do that this summer. Anything but having cat ashes on one's piano!
` Perhaps I will when we move away. Our place has become a laughingstock, of sorts....
I think the time to start panicking about Miss Ellie is when two peep holes start appearing in the urn over night. Her eyes will start following you around the room and before you know it she'll have a web camera set up inside the urn and charging customers $4 per minute to view you sitting around in the living room picking your nose and scratching your butt. It will happen I tell ya! She might already have started to implement her plan already. Have a good look at the urn right now. Do you see any thining areas in it yet??? In three more days they'll be full holes and then the world is her oyster! Afraid yet?
Gabby, Taxidermy can't be any worse dollar wise than burial or those blaster urns for cremation.
Milky, I wish you would come up here and help me. Now we're at this nutty place where not only does the SIL insist everything (I mean everything) stay in the family but...now she wants us to send her everything that one of us doesn't want. Any idea how expensive it would be to ship all that stuff to Texas? Ay yi yi! Death turn people into total wiggers.
Seequin, least it's a cat and not a person. Sometimes I feel like asking the urn..."do you want a cup of coffee or something?" My brain is melting from all this. Soon there will be nothing left of a big wet head full of glop.
Buddah, this could go on forever! You are NOT gonna believe what's happening now. LOL!
Nick, Where do you want us to dump.....er....scatter you? Do you mind if I wet ya down first to keep the ashes from getting into my mouth?
Gareth, NOW STOP THAT! You are wiggin me out again! Ever since I read your comment I've been ducking when I walk by Ellie.
Good God...that's a little ummmm....weird.
I want to be cremated but I intent on being launched into the ocean in a man-made coral reef vessel...I'd get bored sitting on my kids' mantle...what if they watched dumb shit on TV and I couldn't catch my favorite shows? Yeah, I'd rather be in the ocean with the fish.
Check your shoes before you leave.
My father's mother died in 1920; his father died in 1913. Their ashes are in an urn in my storage building. (I inherited them when my father died in 1990). If they aren't a monument to good intentions, what is??
There's that old saw, "Live long enough to be a burden to your children." This ash collection thing is a cruel twist on that!