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Last night I dreamed I was being chased by clowns.This morning I made the mistake of telling Bob and Jake about the dream because....HULLLOOOO! I friggin' hate clowns. They scare the pee outa' me!
Bob: I don't understand why you hate clowns so much.
Jake: Yeah. What'd a clown ever do to you?
Me: Because you don't know what's REALLY going on under all that makeup. And they have those giant pockets to keep weapons in and stuff! You....can NOT ...... trust a clown!
Bob: What about wooden dummies? Do you like those?
ME: NO! I hate dummies with their fake mouths that go up and down like weird little mouth guillotines. And those glass eyeballs that roll around in their heads? Always lookin' at everybody, sizing them up, watching every move, like freaked out wooden serial killers or something.Jake: I thought you hated telemarketers.
Me: PAH! Everybody hates them. Telemarketers should be sent to an island inhabited by cannibals with nothing but their headsets and a pair of sneakers.Bob: So you hate clowns, dummies, and telemarketers? What about Mimes?
ME: practically choking on my coffee: ESPECIALLY Mimes! A mime followed me once at Sea World. Everytime I told him to go away he imitated me. When I tried to turn around and just ignore him people started laughing because he was doing stuff behind my back. I SWEAR I seriously imagined pushing his head into the whale tank and holding it there till the bubbles stopped coming up.Now, I should have known all these questions were a set up. But nooooooo. In my defense...it was early and I'd only had one cup of coffee.
Bob: you know those coffins that have corner momento plaques for photos of things that were special to a person when they were alive?
Jake starts laughing.
Me: (now suspicious) what about them?
Bob: when you ....er.... move on, Jake and I will get you one and have a picture of a clown, a dummy, a telemarketer, and a mime on each corner.
Jake chuckles.
Me: Oh no you won't! Besides, I don't wanna be buried. I wanna be taxidermied. I already told you guys that.
Bob: We can't. It's not legal in this country.
Me: So take me to another country and bring me back after.
Jake: How would we get you back into this country?
Me: Toss a blanket over me! Do I have to do "all" the thinking around here?
Bob: I can't do it. Having a dead woman on the sofa would hinder my future dating endeavors.
Me: WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DATE ANOTHER WOMAN AFTER ME?
Jake: She has a point.
Labels: cannibals, clowns, dating, dreams, dummies, mimes, taxidermy, telemarketers
Manny, think higher and you got the exactly right spot for Mime kicking.
Ems. YES! King wrote, "It". Wigged me out something fierce. LOL!
You know I wouldn't mind a little traveling.
Milky, am not either!
Nick, You should reopen your psychotherapy practice. Those mimes have issues! I don't think you should take clowns though. they're dangerous.
Oh God, MOOOOO! Ha ha ha! You're in good form with this one, Crabby.
Now, however, to spoil your mood... I have tagged you with a Joys and Trials meme. (I was just following instructions. If you don't want to do it, I completely understand and will let you off the hook - if that's within my meme power to do.)
By the way, I have a cousin who's a clown. You'd actually like her. One of her clown fund-raising activities (because her clown group does charity work) is called "Pick Your Nose". She pulls a cart full of clown noses around and people pay a buck to take one.
Too funny and entertaining. I just returned from camping. It was a group of about 35 to 40 people. I know for a fact out of all those people at least three people hate clowns too. You see it in kids also. Not all of them but some just start screaming when they see a clown. They know that just is not right at all.
As to the mime, I think if your were to turn around and land one well placed kick (if it were a guy that is) that the mine, a) would stop following you and 2) the crown would love it and think it was a setup.
Oh I found a way around the taxidermy thing! It is called plastination. You can claim it is for medical science.
Probably someone from your near by college could get it done for you. If not, I know they do it at University of Michigan.
Once you clear the hurdle of having it done and since it will be "for science" you should be able to get it done and then just hang out in front of your computer all you want. This will work.
At 9/03/2007 4:06 PM, 
Spoony Quine
` I was just thinking about how glad I was not to see any scary thing on my camping trip, such as bears, wonkyfoot, rabid ducks or chubby, naked lawyers getting into green Grinch tights. (Old joke.)
` But I didn't think about clowns. Now I will always think about clowns. Forever and always.
` I'M SCAIRT!!
` Mimes are okay because you can mess with 'em - just pretend like you're aiming a weapon at them, or tying a noose around their neck or something.
` I think you can actually kill them that way, come to think of it.
` A thought: In some tribal cultures, people paint their faces up all red to look fierce. Maybe that taps into some kind of creep-out center in the human brain.
` It might help explain the whole fear of clowns thing.
` PS I think I'm gonna be a movie star after I'm dead. ^^ Hehhhhh....
Lime, I KNOW! My middle name could almost be, "logic". (definitely would be better than the one I got stuck with for real)
Sign, when I read your comment yesterday I thought, "Aw, Sign. I really needed to hear this today." I was very down yesterday morning. But I rallied pretty quick. LOL!
Wize, you're related to a clown? Do you have any idea the horrid pranks you could pull on me? LOL! I'm scared to death of clowns. My Mom stuck a clown lamp in my room when I was a kid and I swore it moved around at night.
If I met your cousin without the makeup, I'd probably like her. But with the makeup...I run so fast I'd be over 3 county lines before you could say flibberty gibbit.
I'll check out the Meme.
Milky, are NOT!
Ebezp, your av doesn't look like a clown to me. It looks like one of those Asian warriors. Are you telling me....it's a clown?????
DOOZ! KILLED BY A CLOWN! R U kidding me???? I'm gonna have nightmares now for sure.
BT. C'mere. SMACK!
Barman, did you have fun camping? I did something fun too. I'm gonna post about it.
Plastination....I'm soooo looking it up. Just think, Bob could have me sitting around forever. And then when he kicks off...I can be handed down to Jake. LOL! He'd probably use me as a guitar stand or something.
Seequin, there is nothing you can do with a MIME. I swear. No matter what action you take...they make you look like an idiot. Even when I try to slip by them unnoticed they managed to latch onto me. The little white faced weasels!
Check your shoes before you leave.
I don't like any of them either.
They all give me the creeps.
And if a mime followed me, I'd kick him in his shin.