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This weekend Miss Ellie had yet more news for us that she’d not gotten around to disclosing for …. Oh ……. 10 years or so. Not that we needed to know this one.“….and when your cousin, Joey had cooties a few years back of course we didn’t dare tell his mother, Mary because, you know how she is.”
Bob’s jaw dropped. “Joey, had what? When?”
“Cooties,” she replied casually. “I suppose it was about 10 years ago, maybe a little more.”
“What’s wrong with cooties?” I asked her.
Ellie’s voice knobby must have gone up 4 notches or better when she answered that one. “ARE YOU SERIOUS?”
“Maybe not,” I answered cautiously.
“She thinks you’re talking about the game,” Bob told her. This cause Ellie to laugh so hard she choked on her coffee.
“No, silly,” she tells me, “the other cooties.”
By this time, I am almost afraid to ask but, I had to know. “What other cooties?”
“The sexually transmitted kind.’
“Whaaat???”
“Crabs,” Bob summarizes.
“Crabs? The kind that crawl around in your underwear?” I was shocked. Never, EVER, have I heard crabs referred to as cooties. Cooties are cute little bugs you put together. They’re cute. Did this mean that as a child I had been fingering penis bugs? Vaginal creepy, crawlies? I swear to you, I may be scarred for life over this.
“So how did he get rid of them,” Bob asked without skipping a beat or noticing my obvious dismay.
“Oh, I don’t know how they get rid of them. Some kind of ointment, I imagine, Ellie decided.
“If I had them, I’d call the Terminix man and ask him to put his hose in my britches and spritz me.” They both looked at me like I was nuts. Right. Like either of them had a better plan.
Educational? Oh, fer sure, dude!
"If we don't die before we wake, we pray that cootie game , you'll take."
Well now crap! I fell asleep way early last night. I laid down in bed put on a good movie was out before 7:30. I wake up, come her, and find cooties and crab's. A week or so ago I wake up, hit Signgurl where I find penis's. The 2 of you are going to cause me not to power up in the wee early hours. LMAO.
I remember cooties on the playground in grade school. I just whipped out my invisible can of cootie spray and nipped it right in the butt er...bud. LOL I am so funny at 3 a.m.
At 8/28/2006 3:26 AM, 
GAB
Sign, I can't take Ellie on the road. She'd say something somewhere that would eventually get me pummeled or dead. Physically, I can keep up with her. Mentally, not so much. LOL!
Barman, Seafood in your britches? ahhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha!
Manny, um.... about the floor. Bob and I were thinking, the blue isn't "that" bad. Maybe we could just toss a throw rug over it when you come for Thanksgiving? We have a plumb line. Sort of.
Gab, if you hang around Ellie long enough all your childhood fantasies will go up in smoke. She's a trip! You know when people let their kids run helter skelter all over restaurants knocking into servers, and yelling? I actually saw Ellie hit one of the little buggers in the leg with her cane (she's mostly blind) and pretend it was an accident. I know it wasn't an accident because she laughed just before she did it.
Milky, never. About those ticks, I don't know if he can kill them, but I do know, he'll keep coming back over and over again every time you call and spray his little hose thing all over the place whilst making verbal threats to vermin. Personally, I think he might accidentally be loading his spritzer with bug vitimens instead of poison but, I could be wrong.
That's ok, Denny. Just aim toward Gareth. ahhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha! I crack myself up.
Gareth, you are such a brat. LMAO!
Manny, you have spray on hand for that? Can I have some?
Milky, you are enjoying Gareth's abuse of me far too much. Both of you! To the corner! Right now. And don't come out until you've laid my tile over there.
(pssst. Don't forget to grout.)
Buddah girl, you are welcome and also hereby assigned corner duty with Milky and Gareth to lay my tiles for that cootie crabby thing.
Actually, everybody corners and ...um... go to the middle of the room to .... LAY DOWN THAT TILE! MOOSH MOOSH!
ugh oh. I think I hear my name. I'm gonna pretend I don't.
I see a shadow. You're behind me, aren't you, Bob?
ok then. back to the tile.
At 8/28/2006 11:57 PM, Spoony Quine
` YOU GUYS ARE SOOO FUNNY! Crabby... and Barman... seafood? Heeeee!
` Didn't WWI soldiers who fought in trenches (which were infested with lice), form 'Cootie Clubs'?
` I've never heard of crotch lice being referred specifically as cooties, though.
` Indeed, when I was growing up, I had quite a big can of cootie spray to protect me from other girls! That and the circle circle dot dot thing. (I don't remember what the circles and the dots were supposed to refer to, though.)
` And as for boy cooties, I made up the term 'Codex'. ...Isn't that a brand of condom or something?
` BTW, like your new picture Craby (yes, the one right now, before you change it once again!). It's kinda scary, too! Like; RARRRR! Kill and destroy all cooties!
Terry, so did I! Well, till Ellie brought this one up.
Reg, I knew boys had cooties but I thought those were just playground cooties.
Manny, can you loan Barman your Cootie spray?
Seequin, crotch lice? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha! Ok, I didn't know that one either. Man! I live a sheltered life.
Thanks on the Av. You're the second person to tell me they like it. What's funny is, yesterday I was already lining up new ones when Sal told me he liked it. LOL! You guys are getting to know me too well. I thought it was too washed out. I swear I was in there down sizing a pic when I read his comment.
Check your shoes before you leave.
That's the most hilarious thing I've heard in a long time. You and Miss Ellie should take the show on the road!