about
That's how I ended up with...... one eye huntin' and one eye fetchin'. See, I can't read or see you if your sitting across from me any more because...they say....(I personally think it sucks) but they say, age causes your something or other to shrink. MEN! TAKE A BREATH. IT'S IN THE EYEBALL NOT YOUR BRITCHES. Anyhow it screws with your ability to see close. Well sir, I passed on the bi-focals and came up with my own solution. Contacts. One to see close and one to see far. Sadly, these past few days of walking around with one eye over here and one eye over there has resulted in numerous bruises and damaged toes. None of them mine, thank the Lord. I refuse to give up or give in. I AM NOT GETTING BI-FOCALS! Today I ordered my real contacts. And.... I'm getting a color! WOOT! That's right. I'm gonna have panther eyes. Go ahead and laugh. Everybody else has. But it's my mid-life crisis and damned if I'm not gonna enjoy it.
Speaking of huntin' and fetchin'. Check out what's happened to my toes! The two toes in the middle have split. Damed if they're not cheating on each other with the big toe and the nameless toe. (the one right next to the little toe.) Basically my toes now look like a wishbone with a foot on it.
It occurred to me that if I show you guys some skin you might go vote for me. So here ya go and now that you're all hotted up.....go give me a thumbs up ......... VOTE FOR CRABBY HERE
At 7/16/2007 3:42 PM, 
Zen Wizard
Get some old lady, "I-vant-to-be-alone," huge black plastic reading glasses from CVS. (In other words, throw in the towel on this issue.)
Suggested styles: Jackie Onassis redux, The Far Side wingtipped, Cousin Pearl (Jethro's mom) wire-framed.
That way, you won't start eating the garnish on the plate by accident when you are in a dimly lit restaurant.
King, did you just call me old? I can still get my foot up, yanno....well....most of the time...if I'm holding onto something for balance.
Zen...not a chance, babe. I'm not giving in. That's what the establishment wants. Docile old baby boomers. Then the youth of America can take over the airwaves with more stupid dating shows. NO WAY. I'm in the prime of my life. I just can't see it right now. But as God is my witness, I'll find it.
The eye thing the way you have it set up can work. Usually if it does you may have a harder time seeing when you get tired. When I went for Lasik they were doing some people like that. A little nearsighted in one eye and a little farsighted in the other. In theory the brain makes the adjustment which eye it decided to make dominant at which time. I work with one person directly that had this done only with Lasik and I think she is doing pretty good with it.
I fought reading glasses for the longest time. Shortly after I turned 40 I was having problems. I had to take my glasses off to read things up close. Then I went threw Lasik to correct my vision and for a while I was doing pretty good. Slowly it got worse and finally this past year I started to wave the white flag as I needed to reading glasses for almost anything closer than 12 to 14 inches. Maybe you will do OK with this but sooner or later you are going to lose the battle.
Kingcover, if you are being serious... they have small little adjustments on the binoculars that you adjust to accommodate the way your eye focuses. Then it stays clear until someone else picks it up and they adjust it ... at least in theory. I was nearsighted for 35 years or so before I had my eyes fixed, more or less.
Gee whiz, I am being no fun what so ever. Hurumph.
Milky, Bob and 3 other guys held my chesticles back so I could get the pics. They're a burden but.....I deal with it because...I must.
King....What's ODD? Wait a minute! That spells odd, by damn!
oh. Yeah, ok...that'd be accurate.
TopCat, Right now I have reading glasses in about 4 rooms of the house and that's how I was getting by. But recently I haven't been able to see my plate when I eat dinner or see the people I'm eating with. And then when I go on walks with my camera, I can see the blasted controls. Old age is a booger.
Barman, my first eye doc said it would take a lot of talking to get him to do lasik on my eyes at this point because overall they're too good. Now, I didn't want Lasik yet so that part was ok but...how they can tell you your eyes are good when you can't see to snap a pic or talk to people sitting around you, I don't get. That's still blurring vision. I'm adjusting fine to the Mono-vision. It's the people around me who are suffering. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha!
G, if I'd known that's all it would take to get you to vote, hell...I would have put that puppy up a long time ago. LOL!
Shell, you crack me up. Sayyy, I finally saw Office Space last night. (remind me to tell The Kept Woman thank you) for turning me onto that one. It's hysterical! Have you ever seen it.
See, this new avatar of yours is crackin me up. LMAO!
Buddah, you know you're gonna have to look at them soon as I get them cause I'll be buggin you guys all the time....."oooo, look at new eyeballs. Look at 'em now. Do they look better? How about this way?" ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha!
Gab, I decided Betty Davis was right. Old age isn't for sissies. Our job now....is to make it look like fun so all the kids will want it. bwwwwaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
PS. There's plenty of room on the bad spelling wagon. jump on up here next to me.
When they did my eyes in my early to mid 40s (Lasik) they said they did not like to do such old eyes as you are going to need reading glasses soon anyway. They like to do really young eyes. And Lasik does not help a lot with being able to read. They still have not gone there yet. I just had a side affect of being able to get by a little longer when they corrected my vision. You see I was blind as a bat before hand.
Your eyes aren't drying out on you, are they. They can really mess with your vision. Well good luck with the vision. Silly doctors, what do they know.
Barman, I don't think they're dry. But boy do they ever refuse to read stuff these days. I couldn't even see the computer without glasses. I'm reading it now and clacking out all my stuff thru my bionic reading eye. (single close up contact) Ya gotta love it. Now using both eyes at the same time with one far away and one close...that takes a little more work. LOL! K...I'm gonna get up and move around now so .... everybody STAND BACK.
Dzer, Bob's more hoping (praying actually) that there's a menoStop. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha! I almost feel bad for my guys.....nawwwwwwww...I'm just tryin' to sound nice.
ebezp, I can see it! I CAN SEE IT! Only....now I can't see anything else.
Curly, THANK YOU! I love you too, kiddo.
You go girl!
Love the "one eye huntin' and the other eye fetchin'" line. Too funny. I have a friend who did the one near and one far thing with contacts, and she's very happy with them.
As for the photo... uh, are those tan "lobes" at the lower side of the picture your... uh... knees? Or some higher altitude anatomical parts...?
Of course I voted for you (although it was hard to figure out how to do that).
The crab is fab!
Iris, Are you the one that hung Twanda's shoes over the fence post with that sign that read, "Crack whore?" Just wondering.
Roxi, right now? Well ok. I'll tell you but don't get all turned on or anything. I'm wearing....white pants and an off the should sorta dark tan blouse thingy....no shoes...and one contact lens. Do you need a cigarette now?
Eb, both. Whatever it takes to keep you with us, kid.
Sign, I'm starting to adjust now. It's amazing. Nice solution to bi-focals and I can change my eye color. WOOT!
Your toes do that too? Is that weird or what? All of Bob's toes on his left foot are now pointing right. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha! This getting older thing is a trip!
Wize, those beautious lobes are my knobby knees. LOL! The girls didn't have a problem staying out of the way, sadly.
Check your shoes before you leave.
If someone can't see something up close does that mean that if you put a pair of binoculars to your eyes to see something far away does that mean that you still wont be able to see anything because the lens will be close to your eye balls?! I've often pondered over that so can you please try it (an experiment of sorts) and get back to me.
Now I'm going to nab some of that fresh fruit in the bowl behind you whilst you wont be able to see me doing it. This is going to be a cinch to trick the old blind woman. Hmmm I wonder where her safe is too?!?!