Wednesday, August 08, 2007

FIRST!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
TO MY PAL
MILKY
WHO PUTS UP
WITH A
LOT
FROM ME.
kiss kiss kiss kiss.










We are gazelles in jungle full of hyenas and lions, people.

Now, I'm willing to overlook a boat load of misdeeds, having a nice little stack of my own piled up in every closet. But there is one thing I will defend and protect with gnashing teeth. My money!

Yesterday at the market.

Standing there, intently pondering the Asian sauces, from the corner of my eye there is movement to my left. I glanced down instantly and see a hand bedecked with enough rings and bracelets to sink a cruise ship, reaching for my purse!
"OH HELL, NO!" I declared, smacking the bejeweled hand away. Six of my dollars were in that purse and a 2 for one coupon for Hollywood video, by damn!
Ready to take further action if required to protect and defend my treasures I plant my feet wide and take a first good look at my opponent. She's like....SEVENTY!
"Is that your handbag?" the old con asks nervously. (well, DOH lady!)
"It looks just like mine," she continued.

The bags didn't look anything alike but I pretended to give the old sting artist the benefit of the doubt. I even apologized for smacking her hand. But you can bet the rest of the time I spent shopping, one eye stayed on the bag, and one on that old lady.

PAH! Take my six bucks, I'll kick your butt six ways from Tuesday, woman. I don't care how old you are.


Speaking of old. Would ya look at this? Wonder how many guys got their eyes poked out back then?

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posted by Crabby at 3:12 PM |


28 Comments:


At 8/09/2007 6:11 AM, Blogger barman

I do not blame you. If we go out to a restaurant and split a bill I will not be figuring it down to the penny. But if you are going to be trying to take my money away from me no mater how little it may be, not going to go well.

Oh and what pointy things. I can't see for some reason.

 

At 8/09/2007 7:20 AM, Blogger Judy

Funny to think of an old, saggy, purse-snatcher in the same post with Miss Perky. LOL Same species???

 

At 8/09/2007 7:49 AM, Blogger insideout

What better cover than old and frail, I bet she would have put up a fight if cornered.. Theres a visual that will entertain me for the rest of the day...I/O

 

At 8/09/2007 8:09 AM, Blogger MilkMaid

Those are some pointy chesticles, huh? Wonder how much wire it'd take mine to look that pointy?

 

At 8/09/2007 8:10 AM, Blogger MilkMaid

And wait until Iris reads that you hit an old lady!!! You are SO gonna be offa her GOOD LIST.

 

At 8/09/2007 8:26 AM, Blogger Crabby

barman, I told you not to get your face that close. Didn't I?

Wize, I found those photos under the same category and couldn't resist. LOL!

insideout, that's what it was. A cover. Bet she used eggwhites or something to wrinkle up her skin. She's probably 20. LOL!

Milky, I think we have to make little teepees and then sew them together. OOOOOO. Let's do it! I dare you to make one and video tape yourself walking through the store in it. (I called it first so you go first)

The old gal deserved it. Iris will take my side. All I have to do is tell her the woman looked just like Ethel. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha.

 

At 8/09/2007 11:11 AM, Blogger Iris VonKornea

I highly endorse the beating of thieves, unless of course they are legally blind. Was she legally blind crabby? Or did you smack her first and ask questions later?

In any event, I'm contracting Crabby out to get Dubbin back from Angela Marie, who needs a good smack.

 

At 8/09/2007 11:13 AM, Blogger Iris VonKornea

AND BY THE WAY, that is exactly how I looked when I worked at the bank in my younger days... back when breast support was an actual, bonafide work requirement. I found that if any young hooligan stared at my bosums, I could move forward and poke his perverted eyes out.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

 

At 8/09/2007 12:45 PM, Blogger GAB

Good Lord! It takes all kinds...maybe she needed money to buy cat food for her dearly departed pussy cat. After all we had a woman one block over who used to have cats buteven after they all died she was still buying cat food...to eat herself! EW.
Are those boobs....pointed???
I guess back then they were pretty stiff. LOLOLOLOLOLOL

 

At 8/09/2007 12:58 PM, Blogger Crabby

Iris, how bad do you want me to rough her up for ya? You want anything broken? Or just bruised. I do either with one swing of my powerful 56 year old buttocks.

You know the fallen boobs aren't sooo bad. They come in handy every now and then. Like...say you drop one of the many pills that we over 50 folks take to stay alive and you can't find it? One sweeping walk across the kitchen floor will generally turn it up.

Gabby, they are indeed pointed. You know I wasn't gonna say but once when Bob was 15 and I was 14 I wore one of my Mom's bras. Really pointy thing. He had an old Honda 50 motorcycle at the time and we went everywhere on it. Every time he'd stop...I'd poke him in the back. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha!

 

At 8/09/2007 1:07 PM, Blogger Suze

I'm reminded of an old film I once saw with a couple of elderly crooks, was Jack Lemon in it? I can't remember but it just goes to show you are never too old to be a criminal. :)

 

At 8/09/2007 1:34 PM, Blogger cathouse teri

That brassiere is just evil! But it does make a good point or two!

I can't even imagine someone trying to grab my purse when it was on my person! I am sure that is a virtual impossibility that they could even consider it!

After all, I AM the queen!

 

At 8/09/2007 1:43 PM, Blogger Crabby

Suze, Arsenic and Old Lace??? That was the best movie!

Cat, I wasn't carrying the purse. It was perched in my cart because I always carry that blasted camera in there and I don't want my chesticles to get lopsided. LOL! So it was an easy shot for someone to snatch. Unfortunately for this old gal, I was deep into the throes of menopausal maddness. Which pretty much turns me into a combination of Rambo and the creature from Alien.

 

At 8/09/2007 2:49 PM, Blogger Zen Wizard

I must admit, the first breasts I ever fantasized about were those Polaris missile jobs--they were simply inescapable in the early 60's.

There was an Archie knockoff comic called, "Junior"--the guys who drew that were like the Rembrandts of missile tits.

I am not a psychologist, but I think it would be something along the lines of a Freudian death wish, like: "The instrument that gives you pleasure can also pierce your heart," or something.

Whatever--Jayne Mansfield sure had that look down...

 

At 8/09/2007 3:14 PM, Blogger SignGurl

Oooooooo.......I so need a braziere like that one!

 

At 8/09/2007 8:33 PM, Blogger Cazzie!!!

What fine pins she has too!!

 

At 8/10/2007 10:50 AM, Blogger SIMON

Mighty fine pins and points there!

Saggy purse snatchers I just love it!!

 

At 8/10/2007 11:26 AM, Blogger Spoony Quine

` I wonder if she was really strong enough to get it away from you anyway?

` PS Thank goodness I don't live in the bullet bra era!

 

At 8/10/2007 11:26 AM, Blogger Spoony Quine

` BTW, as far as my little aliens go, they like to bite my face when I'm trying to sleep.

 

At 8/10/2007 11:27 AM, Blogger Spoony Quine

` Thought I'd mention that randomly.

 

At 8/10/2007 1:33 PM, Blogger MilkMaid

I think .... I want....Madonna Chesticles.

 

At 8/10/2007 1:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

Now that's what I call "perky" by God.

Six bucks? Please, they'll have to shoot me before they take my last dollar. I'll kick somebody in the teeth for my dollar.

I applaud your actions....

 

At 8/10/2007 6:25 PM, Blogger Unknown

Well, Crabby, how do you think that crone got all of those rings on her fingers? Did you check for bells on her toes?

 

At 8/11/2007 5:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

ohhhhhh that old heathen! I would have done more than slap her hand. You should have grabbed your pocket knife and gave her plastic surgery!

 

At 8/12/2007 12:42 PM, Blogger G-Man

Hey, That's Madonna's Mother!
(Not the one sitting down)
Crabby, you want me to send you one of those Harley Davidson thingys witha chain?
Be careful out in the cold cruel world..xoxoxox

 

At 8/12/2007 2:29 PM, Blogger lime

i wonder how many of those rings and bracelets were lifted. it's one of the reasons i wil lonly have a purse that can be zippered.

and those breasts look damned dangerous!

 

At 8/12/2007 7:55 PM, Blogger Mouthy Girl

Holy moly! She tried to lift your goods...and played dumb, to boot!

Amazing shit, I tell ya.

As for the boobies...JAYSUS. I've got some boobs. But mine will never be cone-shaped. Can you imagine shimmying something like those suckers into a cashmere sweater? *shaking head* That would undoubtedly be a waste of good money!

 

At 8/13/2007 1:28 PM, Blogger Rowan Dawn

The old lady in the chair is the creepiest thing I have ever seen. and what's with those shorts? why don't women's bodies look like that anymore?