Friday, April 13, 2007
Here in Ohio we take great, nay…… giddy pleasure in the fine sport of cow-tipping.

Sadly, cow-tipping has become an addiction for many Ohioans. Such folks can be found wandering aimlessly about from farm to farm, tipping cows until they’re spent and exhausted. Quite often cow-tipping addicts are found snoring among the cow piles early the next morning. Upon discovery, farmers have been known to shoot them in the ass with pellet guns. (which by the way, hurts like a booger, not that I have personal experience.)

Don’t misunderstand. Ohio takes full responsibility for their cow-tipping addicted citizens. Meetings are held daily at several churches. Sadly nobody ever shows up because meetings are held during evening hours, prime time for tipping.
















Enough about the down sides of cow-tipping. Let us move on to your cow-tipping lesson!
My word! I am excited for you!
First I advise you start with a hearty meal. Cow-tipping requires stamia!
Don a decent pair of sneakers on the off chance that the farmer is still awake and has his gun loaded.
Then begin your search for the perfect cow.

Ahhhh. Here’s a good one. The single-udder cow. Single udder cows are meaner than chicken spit! That’s what makes them so damned fun to tip.













Real quiet like, ya gotta ….tippy-toe…..tippy tippy tippy tippy ….up on the big booger. And for the sake of all that is good in this world, don’t fart or nuthin’. They don’t like that. They don’t like it a lot.













Once your close enough, shoulder up to her, dig yer feet into the dirt real deep like, and PUUUUSSSSSH! PUSH!

If she turns her head, even a little, that means you probably farted and didn’t notice in all the excitement. But
that one-udder cow, did. And she’s pissed.















Occasionally, these things go awry. When this happens, it’ll generally take ya a month or so before you can put yer crutches back in the pantry. But HEY! That’s what makes it a sport! Am I right? Or am I right? Wouldn’t be no fun if there wasn’t some kinda risk.

 
posted by Crabby at 6:50 AM |


22 Comments:


At 4/13/2007 7:49 AM, Blogger MilkMaid

You are such a GOOBER. This has to be an Ohio cow, cuz a Texas cow would have totally kicked your ass before you got close.

 

At 4/13/2007 9:01 AM, Blogger Crabby

Milky, oh please. I could take down a Texican cow any day of the week and twice on Lazy Wednesday.

 

At 4/13/2007 9:55 AM, Blogger MilkMaid

Oh please, tell me when, cuz I am SO THERE and SO WITH MY CAMERA.

Can not either.

 

At 4/13/2007 10:24 AM, Blogger GAB

lol I'll be right there for more lessons!

 

At 4/13/2007 11:40 AM, Blogger barman

I do not think you can tip a cow from Mexico... aren't they in ciesta all the time? Being down on the ground like that would make it tough.

I would think, since everything is big in Texas, you would not even be able to reach s Texas cow ... well except for the dangley bits.

 

At 4/13/2007 6:30 PM, Blogger Monkey

Awry indeed!

How is your poor neck?

 

At 4/13/2007 8:27 PM, Blogger G-Man

It's OK Crabby...
Your meds will kick in soon!

 

At 4/14/2007 5:30 AM, Blogger Crabby

Um guys.....I crushed my toe. LOL! Seriously. I really did. I dropped a chair on it.
All of a sudden I feel like that dog from, "What About Mary?" Did anybody see that movie?

 

At 4/14/2007 7:02 AM, Blogger captain corky

I've never been Cow tipping before... Someday I'm going to go into a cow field early in the morning and find some of those mushrooms I here such great things about, and then I'll try your technique and tip a cow. It will be a marvelous day!

 

At 4/14/2007 8:12 AM, Blogger Cazzie!!!

Poor Mooies :(

 

At 4/14/2007 9:01 AM, Blogger Iris VonKornea

We do that here in the Shithole (Willobrooke) when Allegra, Hinkleshires fat lazy dago secretary, falls sleep in her chair. It takes six of us to push her off because when she's unconsious, she's 200 pounds of deadweight.

 

At 4/14/2007 9:57 AM, Blogger MilkMaid

You are such a klutz Crab. I swear.

 

At 4/14/2007 10:19 AM, Blogger Spoony Quine

` She can do better than me! ...And at least she's not stupid enough to milk single-udder cows... sadly that's sometimes the job of other people.

` (BTW, if anyone's interested I put some new art up on my art blog.)

 

At 4/15/2007 10:05 AM, Blogger SignGurl

You know, we do cow tipping here in Michigan. It's done right after snipe hunting, lol!

 

At 4/15/2007 5:15 PM, Blogger wmy

I would love to learn how to make funny pics like you do...care to share your expertise?? If not, I guess I'll sign up for the damn cow tipping lessons...

 

At 4/16/2007 5:51 AM, Blogger G-Man

Good Morning Crabby.
Ya know, I have so little time to blog anymore,and it's crazy over at my place at times, but I want you to know what an important part of my blogging life you have played...
Immeasurable!!
I feel very guilty when I don't harrass you daily!
I just want you to know, how much I care, and respect your creative energy.
Pam..You Da Bomb!!!
Galen xox

 

At 4/16/2007 6:28 AM, Blogger Judy

Crab, you couldn't tip a friggin' North Country cow today because their feet are frozen into ten inches of goddam snow.

Cows were on my mind this morning...

 

At 4/16/2007 7:04 AM, Blogger Crabby

Milky, Bring your tripod with that camera. I'm gonna teach you first hand how to tip.

Gab, It's a walk in the park, baby. Once they're sleeping, they topple like dominos.

barman, The Mexican cows are tricky in the afternoon. But if you bide your time, you can get them.
Ah, those Texican cows don't intimidate me. I have a step stool.

Monkey, it's ever so much better!...my toe is better too. All in all, if I don't break a body part today, I should be back in full "get about" mode. ;)

G, A hammer to the head would have worked better. LOL!

crabby,.....oh, that's me.

cap'n corky, those mushrooms can get you into a lot of trouble. LOL!

Cazzie, they don't mind. They like the attention.

Iris, if you guys can tip Allegra, my hat is off to you. She's not just big...she's meaner than snot.

Milky, I don't deny it. I most certainly have co-ordination issues.

Seequin, the single udder cow is not a cow to be trifled with, for sure. I'll be over later to check out your new stuff.

Sign, I LOVE snipe hunting! (are you feeling better?)

wmy, these pics were done on a pc with a program called Picture It. Now I have a Mac and I use photoshop. Took a while longer to get the hang of this one. And I still don't have it all figured out.

Why G-man, you had me at good morning. Don't worry about blogging time. That thing called life slips in there and slows you down all the time. LOL! Not to fret. When you get the time you'll be all over the place again, causing no small amount of trouble.

Wize, there's no way you'd get me out there in the cold these days anyway. I have a hole in the bottom of my boot. (no idea how I did it) Poor critters. Bet it's hard to find grass under all that snow.

 

At 4/16/2007 12:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

If THAT'S the entertainment in Ohio I will make sure to move that state to the bottom of my must-see list.

My Uncle raises pissy Longhorns. I'd like to see you tip one of them. Hell, I'd PAY you to tip one of them...after you sign this waiver...

 

At 4/16/2007 2:20 PM, Blogger Crabby

Shell, heck no that's not all we do. We also have the yearly pumpkin festival in Circleville, the Tomato festival in Reynoldsburg, the Frog jumping contest right here where I live and last but not least....the yearly corn eating competitions. Bet you wanna move here now, huh?

 

At 4/16/2007 3:42 PM, Blogger Manny

Finally! I have been without cable or internet all day. Wow blamed it on high winds. Bull crap!

 

At 4/16/2007 3:48 PM, Blogger Crabby

I was down almost all weekend cause we were moving my office. It's just a freaky feeling, huh? LOL!