Crabby's Cowpie Field

Monday, April 09, 2007

Miss Ellie is at it again. For those of you who don't know, Ellie is my 84 year old, blind, MIL. Ellie was a professional gossip long before she became blind. And as long as she has a phone, she'll continue to hold the title.
So the other day she calls Bob and says, "I'm just going to come right out and ask, are you having financial problems?"
"Where'd you get that idea," he asks, yawning.
"Well, probably something Pam said."
ME???????? PAH! not hardly. I have a special ring on my phone just for the MIL. It goes off like a siren so I know not to answer, and I don't. I wait for the message. Cause, trust me, no good ever comes from a one on one talk with her. Her conversations often will start with,
"Jane Doe said something about you but......oh dear. I don't want to tell you. It's so awful."
"Ok." just like that, I'm ready to let it go....cause I KNOW somehow... like projectile vomiting out of a moving vehicle....this will come back on me.
"But," she adds quickly. "You deserve to know."
And on we go right into the pits of gossip hell.
Turns out our assumed money problems are a result of me doing my own refurb work in the house and then buying a riding mower to cut my own grass so we can stop paying those grass cutting pirates.
"Why is she doing all this work, when she can pay someone to do it?"
One day when we were at her house visiting she asked Bob, "Is there something going on with so and so? You can tell me. I won't tell anyone." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA! GET OUTA TOWN, ELLIE!
Well, I gotta run now. Bob and I have to hurry or we won't make it to the front of the line at the Faith Mission for lunch. They only take the first 100 folks you know. And I'd hate to have to knock down another little homeless kid, to get his spot in line. Some of those parents can get real mean.
In the meantime, do you have a friend or family member who's a gossip? Have you ever been the topic of conversation? Do tell. Please. I'd love the company.

posted by Crabby at 7:58 AM |

13 Comments:

At 4/09/2007 11:34 AM, SIMON

The gossip's favourite line is always' "I don't mean to be funny, but....." You know then you are going to get the 'treatment'
I don't mean to be funny but is that purple hair really you?! Though the classic is, "I shouldn't really tell you this but" all these entries end with but, have you noticed.

Me I'm just perfect nobody could ever gossip about me!!!!

Don't let the b's grind you down Crabby!

At 4/09/2007 12:45 PM, barman

Someone tried to start a rumor about me. They said that I was getting married to so and so because I had to. I sat there and watched them try and spread the rumor. No one was buying it. I am not sure if that is a good thing or if it is sad.

At 4/09/2007 2:00 PM, Anonymous

Everyone in my family is so old that the only gossip they have is "so and so died and she was richer than Donald Trump" or "so and so died and she was so poor but you wouldn't have known it the way she ate out at the cafeteria all the time". It always starts with so and so died though.

At 4/09/2007 2:03 PM, Crabby

ebezp, naw, they don't ever get to me. I mostly laugh about it. Except there have been a couple of times where relationships have been seriously damaged.

Barman, it's a good thing. People trust your integrity. That's very cool. I'm so scatter-brained folks never know for sure what to think. LOL!

Tina, EXACTLY! I don't understand why she doesn't get that. And, there is the extra perk of accomplishing something you're proud of.

At 4/09/2007 2:06 PM, Crabby

Shell, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha! I'm getting that too. Or they'll tell you all about uncle Ray's intestinal disorder. Then somehow in the middle of her talking, even though she's blind....damned if she can't tell when my eyes are closed and she'll call me on it. LOL!

At 4/09/2007 2:16 PM, MilkMaid

Poor Miss Ellie!

At 4/09/2007 2:30 PM, Manny

I don't believe ms. Ellie would do that....

Be nice to her. As long as she's talking about you she's leaving someone else alone. LOL

A few years back I started gaining weight. I always gain in my stomach. Next thing I know, everyones talking about my baby on the way.

When mom died, I had a cousin flat out lie about me. Some people believed her. Gossip is one thing when it's true, but when people tell bold face lies about someone, well that's entirely different.

At 4/09/2007 3:42 PM, Iris VonKornea

I never gossip about anyone ever, except for these old harpy cows I live with. I'm bored and there's nothing else to do around this shithole. So sue me.

At 4/09/2007 8:14 PM, GAB

Well you know that (whisper whisper)lol I try not to gossip but there have been times when I start talking and I just cant seem to shut up. So please dont tell me any deep dark secrets!

At 4/09/2007 8:19 PM, Lee Ann

I have to deal with the gossip thing at work everyday. I am surrounded by it with the people from work. Sometimes, I just have to stay to myself because I just can't sit and listen to it all the time! haha

At 4/09/2007 10:16 PM, Unknown

Gossip, to me, is up there with murder as one of the greatest evils. Unfortunately, some of the worst gossips I know are my mother and sister.

At 4/10/2007 7:22 AM, barman

I hear that Lucy was actually a standard poodle before getting into trouble and entering the witness protection program. They are really good with those disguises in the program.

At 4/10/2007 9:46 AM, Monkey

Oh my word! Perhaps Miss Ellie could have a mishap with your new ride-on mower? (OK... that was mean, sorry.)

I'm pretty fortunate. There are not many gossips around here. The only one I know is married to my father, and thankfully I only have to talk to her once a year. Woot! Woot!

Hugs and Bananas,
Monkey and his Human