about
The toilet seat protector. Protector? PAH! It sure as hell didn't do much to protect me Saturday. Nor did it's evil buddy the infamous automatic flusher! HATE EM. HATE EM. HATE EM.
Early in the morning after 2 cups of coffee and 3 glasses of water, I went to the mall. Before I even got through the door I had to go....RIGHT NOW!
So racing in and outa various racks of hanging clothes, several old folks walking in reverse or stop, I find the closest public restroom.
Like a good girl who wishes not carry home mini-pets in my britches, I faithfully wipe down the toilet seat, pull out the "so called" protective cover, and proceed to try and place it correctly on the seat. This requires an uncanny sense of balance because the seat cover has this inner paper that once it's torn free tends to pull the remaining cover right into the toilet.
I get the cover on (which hardly covers the front of the seat) get my tight-assed jeans down, begin to squat and.....the FRIGGIN TOILET FLUSHES and sucks the seat cover right down into the pits of toilet hell.
So pants down around my ankles, with much care, I line the damn thing again, trying to be quicker. Again the flusher sees my shadow pass as I try to squat and steals the seat cover!
Finally I just threw the hateful thing on there barely tearing away the center cover, flip my fat ass around and thrust myself onto the seat....by now my bladder is begging ....nay screaming, for mercy. So I let her spray and DAMNED if the urine didn't spray staight into the partially hanging middle and right back at me! By the time it was done I had people laughing hysterically and handing me wet paper towels to clean myself up with! (I am not making this up)
Seat protectors my ass!
LMAO. There is a secret to them auto flushes.
Having a fear of being video taped while in a public bathroom, I simply hang TP over the censor before placing my protective cover, which by the way is a false sense of security. I just know someone has a tiny camera hidden in that censor.
Also, I never go in a stall with vents over top of it. Vents are just another hiding place for hiiden cameras.
Why didn't I think of this fear when I was commenting on g's post?
ROFLMAO and I thought I was the only one who did things like this. I have given up on public bathrooms. Unless I really cant wait then I will try to use one. But oh my gosh I hate when I go in there and guess what? No seat protectors! Then I line the seat with toliet paper! it works better any ways because they all use the cheap stuff.
Hi guys!
I'm baaaaack!
For all you folks worried I had a brain tumor or an aneurism, (personally I think it was just Bob and his mom who were both worried sick)....
where was I?
Oh yeah, I don't. I've been gone allll day. I'm all checked out and the doc says we're gonna keep at it till we get the headaches gone. So good for me.
barman, naw...you give my enormous butt cheeks too much credit. It was the over-whelming shadow moving past the flush sensor that set off the flusher. LOL! Gotta visit G. I'm still catching up here from being gone all blasted day.
Manny, LOL! Nobody's watching. Ok...I admit to you all I do have a pic of manny in a bathroom stall. I stuck my camera under the wall and snapped. But all I got was the stall cus I didn't have it aimed right. Next time I'll do an over head shot.
Mone, All I can say is...it's too damn bad I'm not a ho cuz I hear they make big bucks for that. LOL!
Gareth, (I can't believe I'm gonna say this) but.... you actually have a good point there. However, I watched evil damn thing snatch it with my very own eyes.
Gab, just between you and I...I have been in a public men's restroom and of course in the ladies. And believe it or not...the men are 10 times cleaner! Not cool, ladies. Not cool at all!
crabby.....wait...that's me. Ok. Never mind.
At 3/26/2007 12:33 PM, 
Zen Wizard
Well--the toilet seat protector--commonly known as the "ass gasket"--is an underrated item, in my humble opinion.
In fact, there is a theory as to why everyone on a cruise ship gets sick all the time, and it might have something to do with communal toilets.
On the other hand the experts say a water fountain has more strains of bacteria than a toilet seat.
Which might be a reason that Fido never calls in sick for guarding the backyard.
At 3/26/2007 12:37 PM, Unknown
"However, I watched evil damn thing snatch it with my very own eyes." ....... whaaaaaaaa, did it take your eyes out too?!?! Good grief is not sacred around here. First your bum gets pinched and then your eyes are whipped out of their sockets. What next?! Butt flushed down the toilet? Leg stuck in the u-bend? I fear for your well being in public toilets now :(
Take care with the headaches thing. K? :)
At 3/27/2007 2:39 AM, Cazzie!!!
That is baaaaadddd!!!
At the air show this past weekend, we were all busting to go to ther loo after being in line to get a park for a while. We got to the loo, no PAPER. Mia has a cold, so I had tissues with me, thank the Gummy Mary for that!!! I used the tissues as loo paper, and to wipe down the seat, grrrrrr!!!
At 3/27/2007 6:06 AM, wmy
Gareth, well, if it's not your head....what is it? Show milkmaid and she can tell me.
Milky, sing it sistah! And..yanno what's worse .... well, besides the thing we probably don't wanna talk about here.....the ones who save up a months worth of KaKa and then BLAMO...gotta release, and release so much, it WON'T FRIGGIN FLUSH!
HULLO! COURTESY FLUSH! Ever heard of it?
Dirk, oh sure. I'll come have a look. Even tho I know it's gotta be a diabolical trap. I can't help myself. It's like pushin the don't push button.
BT, naw. That's ok. I have that effect on men. I'm like man catnip. They can't resist me. I think it has something to do with my snaggle tooth.
Cazzie, PHEWWW! Dodged a bullet there. LOL!
Um....the Gummy Mary? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha! I know that's Aussie speak for somethin but...I got no idea what.
I don't trust those paper toilet seat covers...they are too flimsy to protect me from the plethora of toilet-seat viruses and bacteria that is hanging out.
That's why I don't use public rest-rooms unless it's an emergency. And even then, I use anti-bacterial wipes and excessive TP to ensure limited exposure.
At 3/27/2007 10:40 AM, DirkStar
I was just invited to watch a terrible video of you engaged in unspeakable activities.
I was shocked and appalled by the images splashed so luridly across my monitor's screen.
I left a very stern comment regarding the smearing of your wholesome image and any comment appearing upon his site claiming otherwise has clearly been forged.
Barman, as you can clearly see, thanks to Tad, I'd have no problem blocking out the sun. LOL!
Sign, I walked out of the bathroom and down the mall with toilet tissue stuck in my shoe once. I unrolled dang near the entire roll before somebody told me.
Dirk, you BENEDICT ARNOLD! ahhh, how quickly they turn. LOL!
Tad, oh no. We're just getting started, son o'mine. Your turn is coming. Not to fret.
Reg, LMAO! that would be BAD!
Check your shoes before you leave.
See, I knew it. The auto flush is proof that you DO NO have a DQ butt. If you did it would not mistake you as having left and decide to flush.
Maybe you could use some sanitary wipes instead to clean the seat with to keep the critters away.
Hum, g-man has a post up about fears. I think you have a fear of auto flush toilets.