about
CAUTION: A severe plunge in estrogen is required for the proper amount of aggression required to complete the 3 phases of my plan. So do not attempt these experiments yourself if you are NOT currently in full blown menopause.
DAY ONE. ATTACKING BUMPER STICKERS AND VANITY PLATES. (complete instructions included)
Immediately following lunch just as you are fully prepared to annihilate every male in your household, retrieve fresh pile of dog poo, get in your car and begin to drive. If you are lucky enough to spot someone sporting a mullet, simply follow them and wait for them to park their car and walk away. Otherwise a safe bet for finding the following bumper sticker would be auto part shops parking lots. And possibly places specializing in buffalo wings and cheap brew.
Once the following bumper sticker is located, take bag o'poo and wearing rubber gloves carefully spread poo evenly along underside of driver's door handle. (NOTE: poo must be fresh to spread properly and stick!) Now RUN LIKE HELL.
Take much deserved ice cap break, head out for shopping malls and grocery stores in suburban neighborhoods. Locate bumper sticker below. Place following note beneath windshield.
Dear Mom Bragger,
20% of all honor students grow up to be drug dealers.
30 % have children out of wedlock before the age of 20. Move girlfriend and child in with parents, indefinitely.
40% Go to college, participate in wild orgies, and spend massive amounts of their parents money on drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, and then drop out.
10% Get diploma in psychology, can't find a job, and become telemarketers.
ONCE AGAIN....RUN LIKE HELL!
If you are out and see this bumper sticker. Leave it alone. It's me.
Take chocolate break. Now drive aimlessly about looking for parked cars with vanity plates that say things like "JOESBMW" Remove magic marker from purse before leaving car. Leave car door open for expedient getaway. (this is actually a little more dangerous than the other phase one missions) Run up to vanity plate and black out "W". NOW RUN LIKE HELL!
Return home, put your feet up, and have a nice rest because, you'll be tired.
At 4/26/2007 3:35 PM, 
Spoony Quine
` Aaaah haaaah haaaa! I like your bumper sticker!!! Sounds like fun!!!
` I also like this one bumper sticker that says 'Proud Parent of an Honor Student at Our Lady of Humility'. Teee heeeee!
` Remember, if you're going to do something to someone's license plate, obscuring the back one will get the driver in trouble, but (at least here) the front one is not important.
` So, I would suggest to anyone attempting this to only deface the front vanity plates, unless you personally know the person.
` Sure... that makes it perfectly legal!!!
` BTW, Wonkyfoot told Nociceptor to tell me that his alien friends can hook you up with some human estrogen real cheap-like!
` Personally, I can't wait until my estrogen goes....
BT, would you please pass that onto Bob. He's trying to make me get hormones. But I'm perfectly content with my new system.
Miss Understood, really? It's that easy? Oh no. Wait. I'll forget too. Last time I had medicine I HAD to take the doc told me to tie to my toothbrush. Ever tried to tie a bottle of pills to your toothbrush?
Awwww, Roxie, I love you too. kiss kiss...mwaaaaaaa. Now scootch over before you get poo on you. It stopped raining and I'm on my way out to hit...er.....take a little drive in the country. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. I'm just veggin.
Shell, YES! and a POX on all those people who have to BRAG their sorry asses off to you about how successful their kids are and how VERY popular.
OO OO and the ones who take their kids to dance lessons, music lessons, tennis lessons, and modeling school. Give the figgin kid a break!
Seequin, ask Wonkeyfoot and Nociceptor if they can get that stuff in chocolate flavor.
Seequin, LOL! definitely keep us updated.
Manny, who got eaten?
Cazzie, you are sexy, kiddo.
Barman, I didn't see any of those. It's hard to find just the right bumper stickers. Today I couldn't find anything but I stayed in my neighborhood and they don't have much on their cars.
Sign, why...thank you! I try. Wait'll you see phase two. You're really gonna like that one. I'm changing my look.
At 4/28/2007 12:53 PM, Spoony Quine
` OMG!! The Bigfoot track guy 1. thought I was referring to my blog when I used the word 'tracks' once, and 2. Actually wanted me to join his bigfoot forum and post about my adventures, believing Bigfoot and Wonkyfoot to be one and the same!
` The Mad Scientist's Wonkyfoot post will also be kept up-to-date. OMFG this is so HILARIOUS!!
Seequin, I think you should do it. LOL!
Suze, You're still wayyyy too sweet to be feeling the same level of supreme bitchiness that I am. LOL! That's ok though. I'm on a mission now.
G-man, I am so gonna be checkin you for Mullet hair. And if you hear snipping in the middle of the night...just roll over and go back to sleep. It's not me.
Manny, don't even joke about clowns eating me. You know I hate those miserable suckers.
Gareth, Gareth, Gareth, will you never learn? You know, if you'd just exercised a little control and not said anything, you'd still have two eyebrows now.
Barman, part two has been under way all weekend. Today I'm off to complete phase two of my mission. I hope you're ready for this.
Merideth, I baby! Glad to see you. Most especially glad if you're a fellow bitch person.
Cazzie, that IS a good bumper sticker. Wonder if you can get it in magnet form?
Miss, thank you! I am soooo going for it. Especially today.
Curly glamour girlie, I HATE those figgin sticker. I'm on it, babe. I'll hunt one down for ya and get a pick of the end result. Hopefully before I go to jail or anything.
PS. Hi and welcome aboard the bitch bus. LOL! I'll be by to visit you soon as I complete my mission today. I have another plan.
At 4/30/2007 8:51 PM, Spoony Quine
` Ha ha... Suze said 'memopause'. Well, if you ever have that problem because of your hormones, that's a good name for it. But... if you just start going senile right away, you can just call it 'memostop'.
` Wow that was a bad joke.
` BTW, I told the bigfoot guy the truth because I know that stuff like this can lead to other people believing in it. In fact, the entire spiritualist movement with mediums and stuff was started by a hoax perpetrated by two ordinary girls.
` I don't want to do anything like that unless I make it very obvious that it's a huge, gigantic joke. Like... trick someone like Beckjord and make a TV show about it. :D OMG That's a really good idea probably!
Check your shoes before you leave.
Great site! Love your ideas about the bumper stickers!