about
I took a couple dozen pairs of britches in various sizes to the dressing room still smarting from the comment I’d overheard. And as I bent down to retrieve the first pair, I saw myself …REALLY saw myself for the first time in years….from 3 angles. That’s when I realized, I’ve not only grown 3 pants sizes bigger, but somewhere along the line, I got old. I got old and didn’t know it. My skin is droopier. God help me I have broken veins and thighs big enough to crush the state of Rhode Island. The laugh lines around my mouth and eyes have deepened into wrinkles. I imagine the only thing that saved me till yesterday is my crappy eyesight.
The real capper was finding an ad on my windshield when I left for “Lifestyle Fitness”. I swear to you…SWEAR…my car was the only one there with one of those fliers on it. I know. I searched the parking lot….twice.
As I drove home, over and over in my mind I heard those girls laughing, thought about my shocking reflection in the hateful multi-mirrors, and realized….I’m almost 56. I’m immature, irresponsible, and have accomplished absolutely nothing with my life. I play games and blog. I do home improvement projects but what did I ever do that made a difference?
Hardly anyone in our family has lived past the age of 60 other than my grandparents. And we had a big family. So the fact that I’m nearly 56 and have done nothing to be remembered by is significant to me.
All night long I tossed this around in my head trying to find one thing of importance I’d accomplished in my lifetime. Normally, I’d have to say I’m too blissfully ignorant to get depressed. But by damn, I was depressed today.
I decided to get busy and clean out my files in the other office, you know… some good old fashioned mature work. And as I did that, I found bits and pieces of my life all filed away.
One of the things I found was a letter that reminded me again, why I blog. A while back I had a message board called, Friday’s World where I posted a whole lot of what I called, “gunk”. And on that board was a feisty, brilliantly witty gal, I referred to as the short Canadian. Her name was Emily. I confess I had my own picture of her in my head. Short, cute, perky and ornery as hell. We bantered back and forth daily. Us, Milky, and several more gals. We threw imaginary parties and basically just had a hell of a goofy good time.
Then one day Emily posted the letter that I will add at the end of this post. If your attention span hasn’t already given out, please read Emily’s letter. It packs a punch. Read it and know this. For me, if my “gunk” only ever mattered to Em. That would be enough.
Oh and ….. I bought those camouflage pants. I haven’t been able to get them over my thighs yet but they’re hanging in there. And as God is my witness I will get those suckers on!
Emily's letter.
I think it's time to correct some of the rumours that have been floating around about me.
First of all, I actually look like Cindy Crawford and have hooters to die for. I could buy and sell Bill Gates several times over. I was once married to Wilt Chamberlain but he couldn't keep up, so I dumped him. ........ none of this is true.
I'm no hoochie mama. I've been married to the same lucky guy for 27 years (the best 6 months of my life). We have three children; two are adopted and the third was an immaculate conception. I'm still a virgin but am saving myself for Luke.....some of this is true.
I was born and raised in Canada, but consider myself a child of the world. My mother was an English war bride, my father an Acadian from New Brunswick. His mother was from Paris France and his father from Ireland. I currently have relatives in England, New Zealand, France, Ireland, Wales and the U.S. (I guess you could say my family can't live far enough away from me). I was once married to the Pope .... most of this is true.
I am short but it really doesn't matter. I have Multiple Sclerosis and spend most of my time in a wheelchair. It's really not so bad, though. I get to sit around all day, have people wait on me hand and foot and never have to vacuum. I mention this now only to let you know why I need gunk. My friends do visit but I know they still have trouble with all my hardware. (I call myself Inspector Gadget. Remember him? go go gatchet, arms, etc) But my biggest problem is conversation. My speech is slow and often slurred (that's without any wine) so a natural banter does not come easily. When I post here and see my typed responses, I really feel like I'm with friends, enjoying a conversation and a few good laughs. I've missed that more than anything. So next time I go to my doctor I'm going to tell him to forget all the medical research. I HAVE FOUND THE CURE.....GUNK! ........ all of this is true.
Emily the Gunker (Gunkee? Gunkette? Gunkess?)
Luke is a character from General Hospital. (we used to fight over him) The last time we heard from Em she required a full time nurse. That was several years ago. I don't know what's become of her now. But wherever Em has gone, a huge chunk of my heart goes with her.
barman, I remember when you told about that. Funny isn't it how we can do things that impact other folks and not even realize it.
Jyflol, you know, normally those kiddos wouldn't have gotten to me at all. I'm started to suspect I know what's going on here. And if I'm right....it explains a whole lot and most likely puts every male within a mile radius of me in grave danger. LOL!
Josh, You are absolutely right....until my next mood swing. LOL! I think we have a situation going on here with female hormones. For any men reading...this is NOT a good thing. Fact, it's downright UGly.
Barman, you're reaching, my brother. Lucy's happy to be with anybody. LOL! But see, this is why you're my adopted brother.
At 4/20/2007 7:37 AM, 
MilkMaid
Fuck no.
LOL!!!
Hey, here's one of the MANY things you have said to me over the years, that has totally stuck and made an impression on me.
However many years ago, I got on here after a too long session in my 10x make up mirror and was in a HORROR. I'd found the first (of many sadly) little old lady lines on my top lip. You know, the ones that all your old lady red lipstick run out into, like Betty Davis?
Well, I was boo hooing and FREAKING out on your yahoo messenger. Your reply? No sweat Kid, go back to that mirror and find those wrinkles. Now smile. See, they all go away when you smile.
So...when I see them now, or start obsessing too much over them, I think of you and smile.
ALL of that is true.
I miss Emily....I'd almost go look for her, but fear I know what we'd find. She was certainly one of a kind.
Ohhhh. Yes I did too read it. And I was touched that you even remembered. (I forgot. another menopause symptom. Just like gaining weight is.) Honestly, I was so damned excited to know I wasn't goin round the bonko bend I couldn't contain myself. LOL! You really can NOT control the ups and downs with this. It's ICKY!
Check your shoes before you leave.
See you do make a difference and probably even more than you know.
I think I commented about this on my blog before but here goes. I went to my class reunion, 30 years, yeagadds. Anyway there was one person I really wanted to meet up with. I had only been to one other reunion and did not see him there. He was there this time however, him and his wife.
Anyway more so than anything else that happened that night and possibly more so than about anything I have done he made my day big time. What did he do? He told me how he really wanted to meet up with me again so he could tell me how much he appreciated all the help I had given him with his math while we were in high school.
Now I really did not remember this. It was no real big deal to me. I would do it for anyone, that just is me. But here I really made a difference for him and I never knew.
You probably do that more than you know. Oh and I love GUNK.
Take care Sis. :)