about
And OF COURSE, Conchita, my imaginary maid, is like....totally ignoring the dust bunnies playing tag under my bed with the rolling tumbleweeds of dog hair. I swear, SWEAR...some day I'm gonna fire that bitch and get a maid that really exists. Imaginary maids are worthless! She's no better than my imaginary masseuse, Sven.
Sound grim so far? Well, IT'S WORSE! 
Bug man came yesterday to have a look at my ant problem in the bathroom. Course I had to get my sorry ass outa the bed to let him in cause....who wants to lay in bed with bug man walking around? Soon as he saw the ant carcasses he says, "This is worse than I thought. I'll be right back. I have to get my drill.""Drill? Whatdoya' mean, drill?"
"They're in your walls," he called back over his shoulder.
"Oh well, that's just great! That's just dandy!" I muttered to myself cause NOBODY else was around but the ants.
Sure enough, he drilled holes all over the bottom of each and every wall in the bathroom and then drilled holes in my bedroom closet.
"bbbbb...but....I don't have ants in the closet," I protested.
"Good chance they're in the wall behind your shower or the bathtub. I can't drill into the shower wall. This is the only way. Might work. Might not. If it doesn't, we're gonna have to call a contractor. Have that shower torn out."
"SAY WHAT???? nuh UGH! whyyyyyy?"
"They'll eat your foundation. Don't wanna end up in the basement when you're takin' bath, do ya?"
"The basement isn't under here. It's the crawl space, " I snapped back, sarcastically. Instantly realizing what an idiot I sounded like. The fever, obviously is cooking my brains.
"You may start to see increased activity," he continued, undaunted. "24 hours or so, you may even see a hoard coming out of those holes. That's ok. We're flushing them out. Long as they act drunk. Not too energetic."
"So...what am I supposed to do? Give 'em a friggin breathalyser? How do tell if an ant is drunk?""They'll stumble around. Be lethargic."
So here I sit now, fever, throbbing head, ringing ears, on the lookout for a bunch of drunk ants.
And you can bet your butt cheeks, that like Quinn, from Jaws....I'm gonna find em. I'm gonna find em...and I'm gonna kill em. No way I'm sittin' my ass in the crawlspace to take a bath!
At 10/09/2007 4:21 PM, 
Vi
Oh my, not the shower!!!
Your luck has been questionable this year. I think you should have left the pool alone. Now look at all that you stirred up.
Well if the ants don't come out soon and look all drunk let me know. I have a cousin that is real good with messing around with stuff. I bet he can come up with a concoction that can get them ants drunk.
So are the ants going to have to attend AA meetings now?
Fell better Crabby. Don't let the dust bunnies get you.
Sign, I've only seen two ants since he left and they were completely toasted.
I'm the hole filler. Reckon it's a good reason to change that wall color. Assuming I still have walls.
Vi, if somethin' fell on my head and knocked me out it wouldn't be so bad. Although today when I'm sitting I don't feel too awful. It's when I move around that I feel a giant is squeezing my head like a zit.
Milky, I bet you could stick a straw in there and breath threw it, like a scuba diver. But I gotta warn ya, that stuff he put in those hole stinks like roadkill. I'm gettin' better. It's a looong slow process for some reason.
Nick, it is a tough test for sure and certain. Seems like all manner of things keep falling in the ole' crap heap lately. Ah, well, you know life. Hills and valleys. The good thing about bein' down is ya know ya got nowhere else to go after but up. Anyhow is comforting to know you got me covered with prayer. That's always a good thing. (on general principal?) ahhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Barman, tell your cousin if he mixes that stuff up, forget the ants. Give it directly to me and Milky. LOL!
Manny, death is too good for those multi-legged little creepers. Did you know they even cannibalize each other? How rude is that? When you see them carrying their dead back on their backs??? It's not for burial, dude! It's for a barbecue!
Roxi, you know I don't do tags. I'm still hangin onto Manny's, Gareth's and the one Wize gave me. How long is it, anyhow? I just figure nobody cares to learn "that" much about me. I don't even wanna know that much about myself.
What are you gonna fill those holes in with, exactly? I'm scairt.
Gab, I must admit, at the time I simutaneously had woe at having extra repair work, and joy at the notion of sneaking up on the ants with a total destruction bomb. LOL! The other day I found one on my hair brush! That's just not cool.
Thanks on the sick. I'm hoping it's not gonna be much longer. My poor house looks like a tornado hit it.
Rach, ME TOO! I will be soooo happy to get back to normal. I can't even tell you how happy I'll be. I even look forward to doing my work, if you can believe that. (not sure I do actually)
At 10/10/2007 12:24 PM, Crabby
Lime, so far, my ants don't know they're supposed to be drunk. One stumbled out of newly drilled door. Tried to run back in and just dropped dead. It was so beautiful, I swear....I almost cried.
Shell, hadn't thought of pissed off, hung over ants. Well, thanks for puttin that in my already befuddled head. LOL! Actually..it's odd but hardly anybody is showing up. And the ones that do...die almost as soon as they pop out. If I felt better, I'd video tape it for ya.
Wisdomstuff, thanks for stoppin' by. Always happy to meet a newbie. In fact, I just got back from your place. Hope you don't catch my ....well, I'm not sure what it is. But it's nasty.
That is one knarly picture of an ant head. Yikes! We had a bunch of those big black wood ants in our cabin in the woods... did you know they really stink? I came downstairs early one morning to a horrible smell, and yes, I could actually hear them marching (very strange!). Before my horrified eyes, I saw hundreds of them marching along the wooden walls, the window sill, and out the back door. We 409ed them. Then we had to clean up all the dead antibodies. bleah.
tsduff, I KNOW! You "can" hear them. To me that's the freakiest part. Usually I hear them if they get on paper. I had no idea how destructive they are till we moved in here. Soon as I found out I removed all the plants that attract them, like peonies. And STILL, they keep coming. Fall especially is a bad season for those little bustards.
BT, Carpenter ants. No question. I'm real familiar with the little bustards. And you're right...I am sooo sure, it's not over.
Sornie....WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'? Take it back fast before you jinx yourself. That's exactly how I got preggers 31 years ago. Also how the Bucks lost to Michigan one year. You can't ever say it out loud.
Little Wing, LOL! In all honesty, it's less hero on my part and more mental deficient. ahhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha!
tsduff, I'm just tickled to have you over there. ;)
Manny, psssssst! psssssT! You fogot to take the tag off that gray pair. But...not to fret...I won't point it out to anybody or anything.
PS. I'm fixin to do an HNT myself! A really hot one.
At 10/11/2007 11:13 AM, Kingcover
Hey did you know that ants can multiply at the rate of two every five days or so??? Hahahahahaha :-P
Throw some food out for them if their little tummies start rumbling. It'll help soak up all the alcohol they'll be drinking as well. At least if you hear them singing in the middle of the night you'll know they are having a party ;-)
Hope you get over the fever soon buddy :-)
Milky, if I've told ya once...I've told ya twice, quit trying to take my stuff before I'm dead.
justacoolcat, those are the little ants. The big black carpenter ants like grease...and the wood holding your house up. Nasty little buggers!
Gab, I WILL! Lookin' forward to it! (your pics)
King, ants refuse to eat when they're drinking cause it interferes with their buzz. It's really the only way the drones can find that big honkin' queen attractive.
Kept, you heard right. They get pretty wild too. Legs wrapped around each other and stuff, antennas quivering. ICK!
Check your shoes before you leave.
Oh Crabby! Who's going to fill the holes when he's done?
Hope you are feeling better and that your ants are all intoxicated.