about
interviewer: So Crabby, is it true that after years of avoiding housework in every creative fashion possible, you now must clean or die? You have an allergy to dust "that" severe?crab: DOH! No I'm just cleanin' my butt off cuz it's my new hobby. Hell yes, it's true! Life has kicked me in the ass so many times I'm sportin' a butt crack the size of the Grand Canyon. But this, THIS, is cruel! And I'm not allergic to dust. I'm allergic to sh#!"
interviewer: Um. I am sorry Crabby but we don't use that word here.
crab: POOP! Can I say poop? I'm allergic to dust mite poop. Tiny little microscopic turds, shat out by the dust mite. And apparently there are millions of them all over my house. And I have to clean it up. But first I'm gonna kill the little bas.....
interviewer: Yes. Yes. Thank you. We get the idea. You recently went on strike against the men in your house for buying pickles?
crab: Oh HULLO! It was a lot more than pickles! They got a Sam's club membership back in August. They started buying restaurant sized jars of pickles, peppers, and mustard. Wheels of cheese. Pounds and pounds of fat bacon. You couldn't even see the floor of my pantry! And my frig???? FORGET IT! Nothing would fit in there anymore. It was a nightmare. So I stopped cleaning the frig and the pantry. Went on strike.
interviewer: Two days ago you stopped the strike and what did you find in the refrigerator?
crab: The portal to hell.
interviewer: I bet they were grateful you came off that strike and got back to work.crab: Yeah well, you'd lose that bet, missy. When I bitched about the mess I had to clean up and told them I was officially off strike....they were confused. They didn't know I was ever on strike. MEN!
interviewer: So how does it feel to live in a dust free house now?
crab: How thee hell would I know? I've only finished two rooms.interviewer: But you've been working for a week. You must be finished with at least a floor of the house? How dirty could your house have been?
crab: Ah, hell. There they go again. Multiply like bunny rabbits. 'scuse me.
Crab: You were sayin'??interviewer: Um....nnnno...no nothing. That was all.
Labels: ass kicking, butt cracks, cleaning, cleaning strike, dance recitals from hell, dust mites., foul moody crab, good housekeeping, poop, stinky peppers
At 11/08/2007 11:57 AM, 
Crabby
Vi, apparently, they are everywhere. It's just my foul luck to develop a death allergy to them. I am wiggin out over here, baby. There are two floors of my house, I never even look at! oh the wrongness of it all.
Gabby, not to fret hunny bun. Your house can't possibly be as bad as mine. I have spent all my time playing and just making things passable. Now I have to actually look over and under stuff. ICK! I swear, I don't know how clean, tidy folk do it.
Manny, that's a damn fine idea. I'll blow Webby your way. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha! He's the worst! I might have to find a home for him, seriously.
Barman, I know how you kill them. But it's hard. You have to keep you humidity levels at 50% or under. That makes for a heck of a lot of static electricity. You won't believe this place next time you see it. I'm cleaning everything. Only cause I like living.
Wisdom...you are surely worthy of your name. I LIKE the way you think!!!
Manny, you grudge holder, you! LMAO! He's just an innocent little bird.
Barman, I not only got covers...I replaced the old pillows. But I'm not replacing that blasted mattress!
Barman, You mean....not making my bed....would be a good thing? Hallelujah!!! Finally something I can embrace!
Sign...Jake blew all the leaves out for the city leaf crew today so they'd be away from the house. (the wet weather molds them up or something) And he did it in the middle of a work day. How nice was that? Course...he's making a Christmas list this year akin to one of Manny's. Kinda makes ya think, huh?
btw...you are lookin hot, baby! I loved that video you put up today. You're sooo pretty!
TC...The check, my dog, my bread pudding, even Bob...he's real good with computers...you're getting it all. LOL! I love you, man.
Milky, pah-leeze! Pamela Lee wishes she had my bodacious boobs. She's always wanted to be me. And Brittney...well, she's just not even in my league.
And...where thee hell have you been, missy? Lemme guess. It's November. You're a new Mimi....you...are in Martha mode again? I'm right, huh? You've gone, Martha. That's ok. Hate to admit it...I'm getting there myself. Ready to paint the downstairs bath. Cozy things up.
Nick, I KNOW! that's what the allergist told me.
They're doing a crap job on my dead skin cells though. I still have to exfoliate. (sigh)
Manny, You have trillions of those uglies climbing alllllll over your body right now...eating your dead skin. ooooOOOOOOOoooooooo. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha!
At 11/09/2007 12:29 PM, Crabby
Slick, stick with me, kid. I'll teach ya all kinds of junk. LOL!
Milky, I miss you too. I didn't know you were sick. That's the worst kinda sick too. bleck!
I'm kinda doin' the Martha thing too. I have to get this place in order. I've let it go too long. And now I wanna do my downstairs guest bath and turn that extra room upstairs into a guest room. It's fall and winter that gets us. And the holidays. Holidays are always Martha time.
TS, ain't that the truth. It's definitely "that" time of year. I have Thanksgiving here with my sisters and then Christmas here on Christmas eve with Bob's side of the family. So pretty much the whole holiday season is crazy busy. Right up till Christmas day when Manny and the squirrel take over all cooking and holiday work and I just veg.
Check your shoes before you leave.
eeeewwww, those little mites are in MY house????
Still won't make me do the housework.
*shakes head*
Nope.